It's About to get Personal ((Because I've NEVER Done THAT Before, wink wink))

Since I no longer post my thoughts on Facebook, I'm coming here to vent everything that has run through my mind this morning. But first, I must warn you that the video blog will not be happening right away, as I have to figure out exactly how to do it…and I have to get over this cold that came out of no where. I'm starting to think that someone with a Kimberly voodoo doll had something to do with it, but whatever….I'm not judging you. You're free to feel how you feel about me…I still love you.

Here are all my random thought for today….up until 9am:

1. I have a cold and an uncontrolled dripping nose and the urge to sneeze but never do. I ache all over. It hurts to wear clothes, but alas, I am wearing them.

2. I have stomach issues and it's really getting on my nerves!! (This is where it's going to get really personal, so brace yourself). It never freakin' fails. I get in the car to drive the kids to school and the cramps start. Not just little cramps. No, no, no. The kind of cramps where you're doubled over in pain and wishing someone would just put you out of your misery. But guess what….my kids have to go to school and be there by a certain time, despite my crippling stomach cramps. I literally get in the car and think, well, this is it. Today is the day that one of two things are going to happen: I'm either going to pass out at the wheel from the pain, or I'm going to poop my pants in the car. Either one would be a complete disaster. (For the record, I have previously written about my stomach issues a year or two back…) Today it almost happened, but somehow, by the grace of God, I made it home. Ugh…I have so many issues…..and apparently no shame.

3. I really hate when people fly into the school parking lot the wrong way. I almost hit a guy today when I was trying to exit the exit and he was entering the exit. And with the stomach issues today, that could have been a double disaster. Dude, it's really not that hard to drive a few more feet and just drive through the parking lot.

4. I'm still all upset about the haps on Facebook last night. I can't let it go. Maybe I need to do my own parody of the Frozen song "Let it Go" about holding grudges. Hum….my wheels are turning.

5. I'm on a quest to lose weight. I'm fluffy right now and I want to lose some poundage. I'm looking forward to sharing that journey with you, via video. That being said, I'm not having much luck so far, (could be the cupcakes and pepsi I pound down everyday, who knows…) and I'm about to start taking Ellen's Degeneres' advice. Yesterday on her show she mentioned a fake account using her name and it was trying to plug a diet remedy. She said, "first of all, I would never post this. I believe in losing weight the old fashioned way….by smoking." ((For those of you who don't understand sarcasm, she was kidding.)) So, if you see me puffing away on my Blu e-cig, it's not because I've gone off the deep end. It's because it's all because of my diet regimen.

6. I had a mammogram yesterday. It wasn't too bad. The worst wasn't until afterwards, when I realized it didn't even bother me that some other woman was tossing my girls all over the place.

7. I love Ellen Degeneres. ((This is no way related to #6. Keep your mind out of the gutter. Geez.))

I'm done for now. My brain is no longer communicating properly with my fingers, due to a pill I may or may not have popped…..

And I didn't proof read. Ain't nobody got time for that…..

VLOG - - So You Can SEE the Sarcasm

I'm thinking of posting some video blogs on here, because then when I say something sarcastic, you can actually hear the sarcasm in my voice and see it on my face…..

I'm trying to lose weight and be healthy…..

Video blogs about that?

It just got really interesting, right?!?!

Stay tuned! 

UNCLE!!!

That's what my brother use to make me say when he was torturing me and I wanted him to stop. Dear Lord. Have Mercy. UNCLE!! UNCLE!!!

I've said it before, and I'll say it again….I'm sarcastic. Everything I do and say is sarcastic….well, almost everything. I mean, if I tell you I love you, I mean it. But if I say I'm judging you….I'm probably being SARCASTIC!!!

But……

Let's be real…..

We ALL judge. It's true. I think it's just human nature. We all do it, wether we think it, say it, write it, post it….however you choose…you judge. We don't mean to judge. And we don't think of it as judging, but we do it.

You judge me for judging, right? I mean, it's a vicious cycle.

I think a lot of my "opinions" are construed as judging. I also like the words "judge" and "judging" so I use them loosely. Like when I'm singing really badly at the top of my lungs and busting out some of my sick moves, I look at the girls, and say, "Don't judge me!" Or one of them will say, "I'm totally judging you right now." It's just what we say. I thought it was a 'thing', but I guess I was wrong.

Today I posted a picture on Facebook, of what I thought were some very cute, yet incredibly short shorts, (that were on a hanger by they way, and not on anyone's body). They were in the junior section and they looked like they would barely cover Ella's ass (excuse the language. Don't JUDGE me). I'm sort of known for pointing out some inappropriate clothing so I thought it would be funny to post a picture and then comment with my take on them. Afterwards, I laid down for a snooze (don't judge me!) and when I woke up and scanned some comments, I thought to myself, "OMG…I so mad that I just paid to have my eyebrows done, because they were just singed off when that post blew up in my face."

I don't even remember exactly what I said and I didn't even read all the comments, but I know it got ugly…and that was not my intent. It was intended to be humorous.

So, let me explain a little….

I'm not a fan of short shorts. I'm also not a fan of leggings as pants, or tube tops, or pigtails on grown women, or boys that wear their pants below their butts, or have long hair, or their ears pierced, or gauges, or tattoos….I could go on….I'm not a fan of those THINGS...BUT, I LOVE all these people.

I just wanted to be funny and make some people laugh.

One thing that people often say to me is "I love your posts! You always say what everyone is thinking but don't have the guts to say it!" When I say that I'm judging, I don't mean that I'm actually thinking 'you're a slut and going to hell'…I'm thinking…"you look really cute and I hate you", or "you really should NOT be wearing those!"

Don't jump to conclusions and put words in my mouth, or on my page.

I don't think I'll be posting much to Facebook anymore, at least for now. I will come here and say what I want, when I want and if you post a comment I don't like, I'll delete it.

I'm sorry if anyone was offended by anything I ever posted on Facebook. It's all in good fun. Honestly, if Ellen said it, you would laugh….RIGHT?

I LOVE YOU ALL!!!

Peace out.

Jealous?

"A competent and self-confident person is incapable of jealousy in anything.

Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity.

Just be happy."

- Billy Hufsey

I got that from my good friend Billy Hufsey. He's my friend...on facebook. And he "pokes" me a lot. He also starred on "FAME" and is the one and only James Maslow's manager or agent or something... Yeah...we're friends. BFFS. Biffles. Besties.....Ok, so maybe I'm exaggerating a little....

Sorry...off topic. Back to the quote:

While I mostly agree with it, I must admit that I do have my moments of jealousy. GASP!! Shocker. I know, but they tend to be a little more like this..."I wish I had that much money so I could drive a car like that." "I wish my hair was that long and shiny." "I wish I could wear leggings as pants." (That last one's not true. I don't think anyone should wear leggings as pants.) But I do think it's normal to be jealous...to a point. It's when someone confuses their own jealousy with criticism and hatefulness is when it becomes a real problem.

Don't get me wrong, I can dish out my fair share of criticism, and, I'll admit, sometimes it's jealousy. Sometimes I don't understand how someone can manage to get every single thing they want...like they just snap their fingers and it happens. It annoys me...but I'm jealous, too. I want that super power!! When I should say, "Wow, they're really blessed and they must work really hard...", I'm guilty of saying, "they must have sold their soul to the devil!!" I am guilty of jealousy. Everyone is, but....

Come on. Admit it. It's annoying when someone gets everything they want.

That being said, I feel some people feel that way about me...and for whatever reason, don't like me...just tolerate me. And I want to set the record straight....

I'm spoiled (always have been). My kids are spoiled. I'm sorry if we "annoy" you. I'm sorry that my husband takes good care of me and allows me to have nice things and not work outside the home. I'm sorry that my kids are good kids and the one teen I have so far, takes honors classes, gets good grades, has good friends, and makes good choices. (Don't worry, I have 2 more to screw up).

But I don't get everything I want. I really want a pool. I really want a remodeled kitchen and bathrooms and doors that match throughout the whole house. I really want an Audi. I really want a house on Catalina Island. I really want a lot of things....I really want you to just like me for who I am.

I don't know what I ever did to you. If memory serves, I've always been nice and generous.

I rack my brain constantly to try to figure it out, and I've got nothing...nothing except jealousy.

So guess what...I'm done caring. I'm sorry your life sucks. Despite how you feel about me, I will continue to be nice and friendly. I'm not going to change how I treat you and you're not going to change how you treat me. I will be nice to you, and you will be nice to my face, and talk about me behind my back and pick me apart trying to find anything and everything wrong with me. And I won't care.

The more I think about it...now I just feel sorry for you....

Have a nice day...

Common Sense is, Apparently, NOT Very Common

OMG...I seriously nearly took a woman out tonight while I was picking up Gracie. I picked up Mia first with no problems. Why? Because all those parents have brains! They will park in a spot or pull over and park far enough over so people can get around them. It's the polite thing to do, right? 

Then I headed over to get Gracie. The street is a dead end, so you can park on the street or in the enormous parking lot directly across the street. I was there early so I backed into a spot, turned off my lights and waited. Pretty soon other parents started showing up and rather than park, they started forming a line, in the parking lot, blocking me from getting out of my space. I think maybe someone with 1/2 a brain realized I was there, and moved so I could exit when ready. But then....two other cars, with two stupid, no brained drivers, parked in the approach into the parking lot, facing the same way, making it impossible for any of us get out without them moving. After Gracie got in the car, I started creeping out. I crept up to the two cars and acted like I was going to attempt to squeeze my enormous car between them, thinking that, at that point, they have to realize they need to move so I can get through, or I'm going to squash their little cars like bugs. But no...they just sat there. I know my lights had to be blinding at least one of them. (I really wish I could draw you a diagram right now so you could get the total picture....and, yeah, I'm getting all worked up again...Idiots.) I was all like, "SERIOUSLY?!?!?! Oh. Em. Gee." (I love doing the valley girl accent.) 

Ok, so, um...yeah. That irritated me quite a bit.

Hey...I get that you don't want your kid crossing the street alone and I get that you just want to pull up and have your kid jump in so you can race off, because you're too lazy to park 10 feet away and walk up to meet them. I GET IT!!! But what I don't get is how you can block someone from being able to do the same thing if their kid comes out first. What makes your time so much more valuable than ours?

I do the drive-thru at school all the time. I know how it works (or, how it should work, anyway). You wait in line, kids load up, and you drive away. If I get to the front and my kids aren't there, I circle around so the people behind me can load up their kids and be in their merry little way. If my kids are there, I'm like totally screaming at them to hurry because people are waiting. I mean, in all honesty, if you were to time me, it would probably take me about 15 seconds to get Ella buckled in and Mia to get her backpack in the back, jump in, and drive off. 15 seconds, max. Wham, bam, thank you, ma'am!! Get in, get out, get on it. That doesn't really apply here, but you get what I'm saying. Anyhoooooo....it's really not that hard people. And, um, hello...it's just common courtesy.

I'm not going to lie to ya...I drank the kool-aid a couple times and joined in the line of cars forming their own make-shift drive-thru...BUT...I would never block another car if I knew there was someone in it or someone came out and got in while I was sitting there. I would seriously have a panic attack if I couldn't get out of their way. 

So, back to picking up Gracie...after sitting behind those cars for a bit, one of them (the one technically on the wrong side of the road/driveway), suddenly pulls out and moves forward. I thought it was for me. I was like, "They must have realized they were wrong and wanted to get out of my way. Maybe they're not complete idiots after all." So, I swoop around and head out onto the street. Then she stop...in the middle of the street and a kid runs out to the car, with another adult. The adult comes over, bends down and starts having a conversation with the driver. Laughin' and having a grand ol' time. Now, I'm in the middle of the driveway/street (remember I have a monster of a car), blocking the people on the other side of the street from being able to come into the parking lot, which is what they have to do to turn around and head out. 

I'm sort of freaking out, because as I mentioned earlier, I don't like to block other cars if at all possible. So, this car just keeps sitting there and I see the kid take off running for the building again and the adult still just chattin' away! Then the adult finally walks away and I think, "Here's our chance. She's going to move out to the way so I can get by." She only needed to pull up a bit and skootch over so I can squeeze by.

So, what do you think she did? NOTHING. Seriously??!?!?! She just sat there!!! Oh. My. Gosh. I'm not a honker, but I seriously considered it. I also considered bumping her out of the way and getting out to punch her in the throat. But like Fat Amy in Pitch Perfect, I decided I probably better not. 

She finally moved and I got out, but not before my children heard me call her some not so nice names and preach about how stupid people were. And because of the amount of time we sat there, I was able to fit in an entire sermon. 

Obviously, this is a huge pet peeve of mine. I can not believe how many people have no common sense.It's like it doesn't exist anymore! It never ceases to amaze me. You would think as much as I encounter it, I would be use to it, but nope. I swear, I should teach a class on common sense. I've never been very book smart, but I have common sense...well, common courtesy, anyway. 

Here is a list of the topics we would cover in my class:

Don't park in the middle of the street.

Don't leave your car unattended in the drive-thru parking area with 10 cars behind you. 

Don't block a drive way.

Apologize when you do something stupid while driving, either verbally or with a smile and wave. 

If you're standing in the middle of the isle at Target, and talking on your phone, and someone comes up behind you and can't get around you, move your a$$. 

If you're crossing the street, and a car is waiting on you, RUN!!! You really might want to pick up the pace a little, unless you want that smirk knocked off your face when I mow your sorry little pant saggin' butt down. (Sorry...rant.)

If you have more than 10 items (or whatever the express lane limit is), don't go through the express lane.

If you pay with cash and are given change, throw the change in your wallet and move yo a$$!!

Don't write a check. No one writes checks at stores any more.

Don't wear clothes that make the rest of us want to vomit when we look at you. 

Bathe.

Ok, so I strayed off topic for a minute, but you get my drift, right?

P.S. I wonder how many people will see me coming at Target now and get my out of my way...

{{Please excuse my typos, missing words, etc.}} 

Anxiety Sucks

anx·i·e·ty  

/aNGˈzī-itē/

Noun A feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome. Desire to do something, typically accompanied by unease.

Synonyms worry - concern - care - uneasiness - trouble - disquiet Hi, I'm Kimberly, and I have anxiety. Wait, no. I don't have it...it has me, and I'm it's little bitch. Anxiety controls me. My thoughts. My body. My sleep. My appetite. And yes, even my bowels. I know this is hard for people who don't suffer from it to understand, but anxiety is real. And it, in my honest opinion, is the devil. It possesses me. Anxiety is always there...waiting for the perfect opportunity to jump out and grab me and choke me until I can no longer breathe.  Let me see if I can explain how anxiety affects me. The definition above says that it's a feeling of worry or nervousness, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome. I would say that is spot on, wouldn't you? Well, to a normal person...but this is what happens to me...

Let's say, I hear something that I know might upset Gracie and know I'm going to have to tell her about it. I get that nervous feeling, like any normal mother would feel. Then I get it again, and again, and again, and then I wonder...why do I keep feeling like that? Is there something wrong with me? Then I get light headed and a little dizzy and my heart starts racing and I think, it's not the nervousness I feel for Gracie...something is genuinely wrong inside my body and I'm going to die. And then it lingers. And everything makes you nervous. Getting the kids to school on time. What you're going to fix for dinner. That feeling of nervousness never goes away. That can wear on you, let me tell ya. When you're least expecting it, BAM! Your heart is racing and you feel weak. Then the only think you can think of is you have to stay conscience long enough to find a place to sit and get your head between your knees. And if you're not in a position to do that (i.e. driving), then you go into full on panic mode over what is going to happen if you don't get there. 

I know that sounds so absurd to someone that has never experienced it...but it's real. Dang it. It's real. And it sucks.

So many people suffer from anxiety in so many different ways. In my case, it's mostly hypochondria induced by the pressures of being a wife, mother, and daughter and all the responsibly and worry that go along with it. Sounds really strange, now, huh? 

I see so much of myself in Gracie and I can not even imagine her having to live an entire lifetime like this. So, I'm getting help...and not JUST from my friend, Xannie. I'm seeing a professional and praying that what I learn, I can pass on to her and she will be able to live an anxiety free life. 

I'm not going to lie...anxiety has it perks. One time I had a nervous breakdown. I spent a good week in a constant state of nervousness with my heart racing, no sleep, no appetite and I lost 6 lbs in 5 days! Whoop!! Holla! Then, since caffeine plays a huge role in anxiety, I gave up Pepsi and lost another 10 lbs at least. But, alas, over time, my medication started working and I started drinking Pepsi again, and well......yeah.

Anyhoo...My point is...if you don't suffer from anxiety, don't just assume that someone should be able to just shut it off and function normally. That's not how our brains work. Anxiety is different for everyone and can be debilitating. Just because you don't understand it, doesn't mean it's not real. It's most definitely real...and it sucks.

I don't want this blog to be a downer or to make me look weak and pitiful. Because, quite frankly, I think I'm a pretty strong lady. I just wanted to open up a little...and maybe, since I've got this off my chest, I can start being funny again.  

To Facebook or Not to Facebook, that is the Question.

Poor little neglected Gracie doesn't have a Facebook. I think she's one of 5 kids her age in the whole world that doesn't have one. The other four are my niece and nephew and the Obama girls.

Why, you ask? I'll tell you why....

1. Predators. No matter how hard you try to shield your child from predators, they can still manage to get through. I don't know how. But they do. Haven't you ever watched that news show where the news guy loures sicko, nasty, low-life, good for nothin', buttface predators to a house, under the rouse that they will be meeting an underage girl...to just "talk", then the news guy bombards him, grills him, then has him arrested. You've seen that, right? That's real, man. Like seriously. It happens. Those predators are hecka smart...and the teens...well, not so much. Why, because THEY. ARE. TEENS. Their brains are not developed enough to necessarily make rational decisions. That's just only the truth. I know this, because I took a child development class, like, 7 years ago...and I got an A in the class. So, that makes me an expert. That, and I was a teen once and I also have a teen. So yeah...

2. Technology. Once it's out there, it's out there and there ain't no gettin' it back. I know this, because once someone posted a not so nice picture of me (without my consent) and now it's plastered all over this not so nice website, called, "People of Walmart". Granted, it was because they had never seen someone of my caliber in Walmart before and they were in total awe of my beauty, but still. I can't take that back. Now the entire world knows I shop at Walmart. It's out there. FOR-EVER. Ok...I'm lying about that...but I'm not lying about not being able to take it back. Once it's there, even if you delete it...it's still there, somewhere, just waiting to ruin your life. I mean look at Paris Hilton, for goodness sakes. Or Kim Kardashian. Oh wait...those were bad examples....

3. Kids/people are MEAN. And all this "like for TBH and RATE" mumbo jumbo is for the birds. Let's think about this for a second. Here we have kids, behind a computer, or phone, or whatever, with no one, or nothing to filter them. So...let's say you like someone's status to get a TBH, and they don't really like you very much. Well, they don't have to look you in the eye, so they say, "TBH, I don't really like you that much. I think you're weird." Granted, the kid asked for it, but still...they are so fragile and rejection can crush them. Why allow them to set themselves up for that kind of rejection? Or what if they post a not so flattering picture of themselves...

I don't know...I just think all this posting and picture sharing crapola is too risky for young, impressionable kids. So, I know this kid that had an instagram and as I'm looking at it, I notice all that's happening here is that they were posting pictures of themselves and waiting for people to comment and like them. It freaked me out. What if they get 15 likes and 1 rude comment? What do you think is going to affect them more? Um, the one rude comment. I just feel like they're setting themselves up for criticism they don't need.

Don't believe me? Watch a lifetime movie about cyber bullying. It's real, man. And it's not funny.

I put myself out there every day when I post something. And on more than one occasion, when I was just trying to be funny, it has come back to bite me in the butt. I can't willingly and knowingly let my daughter subject herself to that. And there is no way that I can adequately monitor her facebook page when I can't even monitor my own.

Therefore, I say (in my best Soup Nazi voice), "NO FACEBOOK FOR GRACE!"