Cool Product

A friend on facebook posted today that her cousin will be featured on the Today Show next week, endorsing her product...then she posted a link, so I checked it out. I think it might be one of my new favorite things!! It would make a GREAT gift, because it's not something you can find at Target and it's only $20! Unique and inexpensive...right up my alley! I need to figure out how many I want and place my order soon...before it airs on the Today Show and the world bombards her....{{unless I have so many readers that by posting it on my blog, my readers bombard her first! If that's the case, she can thank me later. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!}}

Check it out...

http://www.showno.com/

Thanks for sharing, Kasi!

Happy Weekend!!

My Silly Kitty...

We've been battling the stomach bug around here and I suppose I could blog about that and how when Ella pukes she pukes from her toes, but I won't. Instead I'll post a little video of my cat, Zoe.

I've posted this on facebook before, but I wanted to share it again. I think it's pretty funny...

Silly Kitty.



Where's Raccoon?

Ugh...I Feel Like a Woman

**CAUTION: This post is about female stuff. Don't read if you blush easily.**

Have you ever heard a woman say that she loves her period? That it makes her feel so feminine? I'm not even kidding when I say that I read that somewhere. I think it was in a magazine or maybe some funky girly website I was on. {{Those websites are stupid, by the way!}}

But really, does your period make you feel like a woman? I suppose it does me, if a woman feels like a big fat pig that knows they're headed into slaughter and gonna be served up on some fat man's breakfast plate. Yum, bacon...oh, sorry...I lost focus for a sec.

Since I'm currently feeling pretty icky right now, I'm going to give you a run down of my "symptoms" and let me know if they're the same for you:

1. I bloat. From head to toe. Jeans I wore last week are too tight...even around my ankles, and I have skinny ankles!

2. I hurt. My head hurts. My stomach hurts. My back hurts. My legs hurt. Seriously...It's not just the usual headache/cramps with me. It literally goes down to my knees and I think it's stupid.

3. I'm mean and snippy (I would have said bitchy, but I don't want to offend anyone. Oops!). How is this different from every other day, you ask? Well...on a regular day, I'm nice until I lose my patience. During PMS, I have no patience. Zip. Zilch. Nada. And I admit...it can get a little scary. I always end up apologizing afterwards. It ain't pretty, people. It's ain't pretty at all.

4. I'm tired. I want to sleep, sleep, sleep, and sleep some more. I feel like I took a Xanax and never got the chance to sleep it off. If I'm still for more than 30 seconds, I'm out. You should see me trying to climb the stairs. On any other day, I run up and down them. During PMS, I'm either hanging onto the banister or I'm crawling up.

5. I'm in a constant fog. I often wonder how I got from one place to the next. No, that's not scary at all.

6. I eat everything in sight...which might have something to do with last weeks jeans not fitting. But I'm serious...I'm a big eater anyway, but there is no stopping me when I have PMS. And all I want is stuff that makes me even more bloated than I already am. Forget pig...more like hippo.

7. I want to curl up in a ball and beg Jesus to take me home.

I mean, what girl wants that? It's wrong and it's mean. Mean of God to punish all us women for something Eve did. And she wouldn't have done it if it weren't for that stupid serpent! It was that stupid serpent's fault!! I bet it was a male serpent. Can I get an amen?

I know that if I didn't have all those lovely symptoms, I wouldn't have my three beautiful girls, blah blah blah. But, here's the thing with that...I HAVE THREE GIRLS. That means there are FOUR OF ME living in this house with only one Tim. Two of the three aren't quite there yet, but one is and holy crap. Without going into too much into detail, let me just say this...keep Tim in your prayers. He's gonna need 'em.

Things I Saw This Morning

Today is Wednesday and the day I post a picture of the raccoon. I have a picture I've been waiting to post all week, but then, this morning happened...and I have to tell you about it.

1. As I was taking another picture of the raccoon (because there are MANY), Mia jumped in and said, "Take a picture of me! This is where the money is." She may have a point.

 Then she turned around, stuck out her bum and said, "make sure you get my good side."

{{And no...those aren't some of my jeans.}}

2. On our way to school I saw a woman smoking while driving. Nothing unusual there, you say? Except that she was smoking TWO cigarettes. She had one in each hand. I'm not even kidding. At first I thought the second one was one of those rings that went over two fingers, but then I saw her put it in her mouth. She went from one to another, and back to the first, and then again to the second. It brought new meaning to the term "chain smoking". I couldn't get a picture because I was in front of her on the road, but if I could've, I would've. And you know I would've.

3. Then I saw a woman eating a bowl of cereal...WHILE DRIVING. Milk, the whole she-bang. It was a shallow bowl, too. I can't imagine she made it to work without it sloshing all over her. Maybe she was going to get dressed for work while driving, after she finished her breakfast. Again, no picture, but not because I didn't want to.

4. The Raccoon. I've been waiting all week for this moment! This time it's on it's head, but look at that puppy's face?

Happy Wednesday from me, Mazie and the raccoon!!



Couldn't Resist

My friend Christine is at Disneyland right this second, and just sent me these pictures.

This is the cheetah...

And this is his prey...

I think she missed the Disneyland turn off and accidently ended up at the zoo.

Thanks for the material, Christine!

*If you have a picture you'd like me to publish in my blog, email it to me:

bowsandbags@yahoo.com*

Truth is...

This blog post is dedicated to Teri Rhyman...Who told me this morning that she needed a blog post.

Truth is, I'm on my third draft and I'm having a hard time coming up with something to write. I've had a crappy morning. First of all, my alarm didn't go off and I slept until 7:30. OOPS!! Ok, Truth is, my alarm went off several times and I kept hitting snooze until one of two things happened: it gave up after about the 10th time, or I wore it out. Either way...it was NOT a good way to start the day. You should have seen me move when I saw the time. I've never moved so fast in my life. Truth is, I have...because it's not the first time my alarm has done that to me. {{Like how I keep blaming the alarm?}}

I fed my kids donuts for breakfast this morning (that's where I was headed when you saw me, Teri). Truth is, it's easy...unless there is some stupid woman in front of you, ordering two dozen hand-picked donuts all while trying to talk on her phone. Truth is, I almost went to jail this morning and that woman almost went to the hospital. I would have had to stay there, too, because we don't have any money to bail me out. And the truth is, I might be ok with that.

I haven't had a chance to do anything this morning. It's hard to be productive when you have a little one at home. Alright...truth is, I don't want to do anything. I want to sit and do nothing...for about 3 days. Truth is, I'd like one full day to clean my house top to bottom without any interruptions and one full day to enjoy it...alone. Then, one full day to sleep.

While I was typing this, Ella got a hold of a marker and wrote all over everything in the playroom. Truth is, she brought me the marker and I opened it for her then sent her on her way...Oops.

Truth is, I need to get off my arce and do something, even if it's wrong. And truth is, it probably will be.

I'm Rich!! I'm Rich!!

I read in the paper that some company was coming to town for a few days and you could sell them your gold and what not. Then there were pictures of certain coins that they were looking for and how much they could go for. I got so excited when I saw a penny I was certain I had. It said, "Up to $1,500*". Not sure what the asterisk meant, but I thought, "well, it's gotta be worth something!"

So I went digging through my coins and I found it!! OMGeee...I was soooooo excited! I looked it over and saw that it was from 1958, so Tim looked it up online and I was RIGHT!! It was worth something...

3 cents.

Then I decided to look up the 1935 $1 bill I had. My hunch was right about that, too. It's worth $1.50.

Jealous much?

I just remembered I have my name in silver letters that my parent bought me to go on a leather belt (don't judge. We lived in Texas at the time). I suppose I could sell those...or I could get a leather belt and have them put on. Awe-some. Hum...Will she or won't she get a leather belt and have her name put on it? That is the question.

She just might.

The Raccoon

I've decided that I'm going to post weekly pictures of the different places I find the raccoon.

I walked in the other day and found this...

Mama Needs a New Pair of Shoes

Yesterday I had to go to the bathroom so bad that there was no way I could make it home, so I stopped off at my favorite "corner" mini-mart. (I'm not disclosing the name to protect the innocent, because I really do love this place...A LOT. I mean A LOT-A LOT. ) I ran in real quick and when I opened the door to the bathroom I nearly fainted. OMGee...it was so incredibly bad. It smelled of...urine (trying to be a little more proper). But I had to use it because I was seriously going to pee my pants or my bladder was going to explode, and neither one would be pretty. I was trying to hold my breath as long as I could, but at some point I had to take a breath. When I did, violent gags ensued. I decided to go just enough to get some relief and get the heck out.

It was so bad...Not only did I take a shower when I got home, but I threw my shoes away. They weren't even worth salvaging. What a shame. I really liked those shoes.

As I was walking out, I gave the owner (we're close personal friends, ya know) that "OMGEE that was the nastiest thing I've ever encountered" look and said, "CLEAN YOUR BATHROOM MAN!!!" He said, "Use ours back here..." What? Seriously? I said, "Well, it's too late!! And you owe me a pair of shoes!!"

My Mother's Day

On Mother's Day we went to the large, bustling metropolis of Chowchilla to see my mom. I don't have any pictures of us together because she didn't have her makeup on and the only way she was going to get it on, was if I put it on her and...well, I didn't want to. (Don't judge me!) But I got a couple pictures with my girls and one of all my mom's grand kids after they planted flowers for her.

The grand kids

Me and my Goofy Girls

Not sure what Mia is doing...But, it's as good as it gets.

And what did Tim do on Mother's day, besides take bad pictures of his girls, you ask? Let me show you...

I just made my appointment at the spa for Father's day.

Thank Goodness for Great Genes

So, right now I'm a little pudgier than I'd like to be. I'm still not big, by any means (just wanted to make that clear because I don't want anyone to think I have an eating disorder or something...), but my jeans are just a little tighter than I'd like them to be.

So, yesterday I decided to take the healthy route to weight loss. Starve myself. (Say what you want, but it can be effective!) Until last night, when the fam damily decided to get Olive Garden to go. I was at a meeting and I get this text from Grace, "What do you want from OG?" I typed in "Nothing", then I stared at for a couple minutes...deleted and typed in "That new pastry thing filled with cheese...". Of course, the plan was to only eat about a 1/3 of it and save it for lunch. LUCKILY, that new cheese filled pastry thing was no longer available, so they got me eggplant parmesan with fettucini alfredo on the side. Like that's much better...it's the Olive Garden. The only low cal thing there is water. Anyway...the plan was to still just eat 1/4 of it (I say 1/4 of the eggplant because there were 4 slices) and save some for today. So, I took it out of the to-go container (I usually eat straight out of it) and put my 1/4 portion on the plate and inhaled it (because I eat really fast). Then I said to myself, "well, I can have another 1/4, because that's still only 1/2..." (It's called rationalizing). So, I dished up another 1/4...then another...then another. Can you add fractions? If not...1/4 + 1/4 + 1/4 + 1/4 = A WHOLE. Ugh. Oh, and let's not forget the 2 bread sticks I ate to wipe the bowl clean. Good gracious....

Then last night I thought I was going to die. I had the worst pains in my upper abdomen. I felt like someone had taken a tank of helium and mistaken me for a Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade float. And of course, one of my kids noticed it...and took time out of their busy evening to point it out. I was like, "I'M AWARE THAT I LOOK 6 MONTHS PREGNANT RIGHT NOW, you precious, precious child. Now get the heck out of my room!!!" {{Note to self: Get a deadbolt for the bedroom door.}} At one point the pain was so bad, I was curled up in a ball begging Tim to put me out of my misery.

Why...Why do I do that to myself. I have no off switch when it comes to food. I've mentioned it before, but it's the honest truth when I say I can eat more than Tim. We can go out to dinner, say to a steak house for instance, and I'll order an appetizer, have a salad, eat my entire steak, potato and veggie and dessert, too. No joke.

I guess I shouldn't complain about my weight and be thankful that I can eat the way I do, not exercise and still look like this....

I know...HOT right?

Thank goodness for great jeans...I mean genes.

*FYI: I'm being funny...I don't really think I'm hot. I know I am. Again...being funny!! Hahahahahahaha!!!

P.S. I've been taking a lot of flack for my butt pictures on facebook, so I thought I'd do an entire blog post about it. Ha. It's called sarcasm, people. Sarcasm.



Nobody Likes Me...

As I kid, when I felt sorry for myself, I always remember my grandma singing this song, "Nobody likes me. Everybody hates me. Guess I'll go eat worms." I've been singing that song for the last 3 days straight. And I'm to the point that I'm about to start digging for worms. Wait...I think the girls got some gummy worms at Easter...maybe that'll make me feel better.

Major pity party going on at the Dodson's. Who wants to join me? I'm serving up Jose Cuervo and gummy worms. Oh, and selling jeans...if you're interested, but I'm sure you're not.

"Nobody loves me. Everybody hates me........."

Is that a Raccoon in the Floor or is the Rug just Happy to See Me?

This is a picture of Mazie, the dog's, favorite toy.
And this is how I find it 9 times out of 10, after she's been playing with it.

AAAGGGHHHHH!!!!

Try walking into a room and finding that in the middle of the floor.

Scares the stuffin' out of me everytime!

A Dozen Things I Love...

Ok...I'm not as grumpy this morning, so I thought I would try to counteract my grumbling post from last night with a happy post today. Here it goes...

1. I love when there is a CHP sitting across the street from the school with his radar gun out, clocking people as they come into the school zone at 55mph...and he catches them. Sorry, Melissa Graham, but I do. He was there this morning. I wanted to park behind him so I could shield his car from unsuspecting drivers, but I didn't. Then after I dropped the girls off, I went back that way to see if he had stopped anyone...and truth is, it was completely out of my way to go that way. I actually had to double back to get to my in laws, but it was worth it.

2. I love when I drive by, what I'm pretty sure is a crack house, and there are cop cars there and all these losers lined up against the fence. Like with the CHP, I'd like to just park across the street and watch. I totally should have been a cop, however, the one time I went on a "ride along" with my brother-in-law, Bill (only the coolest deputy sheriff in all of Fresno County!), I nearly pooped my pants. At the time he was patrolling Shaver Lake and he stopped some guy for jumping wakes or something and I seriously got the worst nervous stomach ever. So that, and the fact that I tend to be a little emotionally unstable, might hinder my ability to enforce the law effectively, but a girl can dream.

3. I love my "sissy". She's married to Bill. Ok, that's not why I love her. I love her because she's my "sissy". I love her because we're so much alike it's scary and we both hate that people actually refer to their sisters as "sissy". I love that when we're in the same room and our kids yell for us, that they can't tell who's who. I love that she's a fanatic about apostrophes and grammar and I wish she could be my full time editor. And due to my udder disregard for proper punctuation, I'm pretty sure she does, too.  And I love that she always wants to be mentioned in my blog. Does this make you happy, Sissy?

4. I love blogging and updating my facebook status about every 15 minutes. Don't lie. You know you like it, too.

5. I love my family. Go on...everyone together now...AAAWWWWWW....I know. Deep. It should be number one, but it's just not that funny. But what kind of person would I be if I didn't mention my family. So, for the record, this was just a courtesy mention.

6. I love my vitamins. This is weird, because they actually tend to make me want to barf, and occasionally I do, much to my children's dismay, but I have energy when I take them. I'm not even exaggerating when I say that when I don't take one, I could literally sleep all day long. They also make me a little more regular, which is something I desperately need, because other wise...well....

7. I love talking about my digestive health and I tend do that a lot. And you all know you love it, too. I'm not sure why this is such a taboo topic, I mean, everybody poops. And if you don't, well...please don't breathe on me.


8. I love mobile devices, i.e. my laptop, my iPhone and my iPad. I love that I can take them with me wherever I go. Weather it be on a trip to Disneyland, the beach or...yep...the bathroom.

9. I love beautiful men. Josh Dumhel and Zac Efron come to mind. Oh, and Tim Dodson....

10. I love Xanax. Whoever discovered this medication deserves a hug. Seriously. It makes me happy. It makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a sunny meadow full of wildflowers, barefooted, in a flowing sundress, not even noticing my fat arms jiggling or my belly flopping me in the face as I frolic. Have you ever taken it? It really does make you feel like that, but if you're not careful, you might actually wake up in that sunny meadow and wonder how the heck you got there. Don't judge me. I have really bad anxiety and I need it from time to time, ok? I now refer to it as my best friend, but I use to call it my heart medication, because my anxiety was so bad that when my heart would start racing, for no apparent reason,  and I would have to take it to calm down. I now use it strictly for recreational use. Oh good gracious!! I'm kidding!!!! Take a chill pill...or better yet...a Xanax.

11. I love my one of kind, custom tumbler made by Denise Douglas of Decals by Denise (http://www.decalsbydenise.com/ You're welcome, Denise). I drink lots and lots of water (at least it LOOKS like water to the untrained eye, i.e. my mother-in-law), and I love being able to just drink without having to open a bottle or worry about spilling it all over me. Plus, you can't smell the "water" when the lid is on. Oh, I'm kidding again!! I really do just drink water out of it, but on one of my grumpy days, not-water has crossed my mind.

12. I love when I freak out about an inappropriate song on the radio and then later get the song "Hurts so Good" or "Jose Cuervo" stuck in my head...and realizing that I sang those great songs as a kid. I remember singing "Hurts So Good" in the car and my mom telling me it didn't sound very nice, which of course, I had no clue why...so I make up my own words, "Looks so Good. Put your hair in a ponytail. Dun-dun. Looks so good." And um, that Jose Cuervo one...remember that? "Jose Cuervo, you are a friend of mine. I like to drink you with a little salt and lime. Did I kiss all the cowboys? Did I shoot out the lights? Did I dance on the bar? Did I start any fights?" Ohmigosh. I remember thinking that was the weirdest song...why was this GUY singing about another guy and kissing cowboys. Oh...to be young and naive again.

13. I love the wonders of modern medicine. I'm currently saving up for my smart lipo.

14. I love when I read my blog to Tim and he laughs out loud.

15. I love being random. "Really, Kimberly? We hadn't noticed," said all 27 of her readers.

The End.

**Yeah, Yeah...there are 15, but I had to make sure the good out weighed the bad by at least 2.**

A Dozen Things I Hate...I mean, Dislike

I'm grumpy today...ok, I'm grumpy MOST days, but today, I feel like blogging about it.

1. I hate when I'm driving the speed limit down Hwy 198 (two lane highway that is under construction and lined with huge oak trees) and the car behind me is trying to crawl into my trunk. Seriously? Apparently they haven't had a speeding ticket lately, because if they knew how much it cost, they would be driving the speed limit, too. I got one last year and it cost me nearly $400...therefore, I will forever drive the speed limit. Also, I value my life and the life of my children. I don't especially want to risk a head on collision at 70mph. Don't get me wrong...I know what's it like to be in a hurry. I'm ALWAYS in a hurry...to get to my destination. Not die.

2. I hate when my kids are in a bad mood and I have to drive for 30+ minutes, down a two lane highway with someone riding my butt, and they're screaming the entire time. Literally screaming. Trust me, if I weren't already a grump, this would make me one! And if I wasn't driving, I'd be drinkin'! OMGee...we got a new car so we would have enough room for all of us and it's still not enough room to give me peace when I'm driving. I'm going next week to have one of those privacy windows installed. What a dream that would be. Picture it, for just a second. You're driving and your kids are all in the back screaming and beating the crap out of each other and you don't even care because you can't hear a thing. Ahhhh...Don't try to tell me that's not appealing to you. It's appealing to any human mother, I can almost guarantee it.

3. I hate when Sirius Satellite Radio goes and changes all it's station numbers. What the heck is that about? I went to turn on Radio Disney (yeah, it's one of my faves), and instead I got CNN News! CNN? Really? They could have at least made it Fox news. Where are all my faves now? I can't find The Blend or The Pulse, either. I ended up listening to a preview of where all the new stations were!! How flippin' irritating is that?

4. I hate when I'm suppose to have a Vault Denim party and my kids are all here making lots and lots of noise. Singing and dancing and sounding like they're going to come through the ceiling. I would try to drown them out with the radio, but I don't know where any of my stations are!! So, I guess I get to listen to Big Time Rush. Oh well...they're cute. Have you seen those boys? Holy cow. Don't worry...they're all over 18, so I can say that.

5. I hate the thought that if those Big Time Rush boys heard me say that about them, they'd probably do a little baby barf because this "old" lady thinks they're hot. Yeah...I said it! H-O-T!

6. I hate that I have a new "hobby" selling jeans and suddenly all I hear is crickets chirping. {{Chirp-chirp. Chirp-chirp.}} Oh, and have dust in my mouth because all my friends have taken off running and left me eating it. Nice. Thanks. Thanks for nothin'!! ~I would like to say a special thank you to those who have supported me, though. I really do appreciate it.~ But seriously. I'm not asking you to donate a friggin' kidney!! Just come by my house and look at some friggin' jeans!! You don't even have to buy anything! You don't even have to book a party. Just come by. Have a brownie (and if takes "special brownies" to get you here, I'm not opposed*) and hang out. At least make an effort to see what it is I'm doing! I swear some of them are just making up excuses. I feel defeated.

7. I hate when I'm trying to blog and the kids should be in bed and I keep thinking Tim is going to put them to bed, but instead they're all running around like banshees (is that the word I'm looking for?). OR I think he's got them to bed and then realize they're all in MY bed. I guess, technically he gets that one, because they are in bed, but their own beds would be nice.

8. I hate when I'm about lose it so I take a little sumpin'-sumpin' (which, for the record I only do once or twice a year. And only when I know I won't be driving, but I can't take my best friend because she makes me so sleepy) and it gives me stupid heartburn.

9. I hate heartburn.

10. I hate that people copy and paste crap into their facebook status. Sorry, but it really does annoy me. With this whole Bin Laden thing...ugh. One person says, "Don't spread hate, yada yada~MLK" and the next says, "Obama didn't kill him, blah blah blah...". A cover band has to be really good for me to like them. Same goes for your status. They'll never be as good as the original.

11. I hate that some people are on facebook and they don't update their status or comment on anything at all. Those, my friends, are called "lurkers". Don't tell me you don't find it just a little creepy when someone you didn't even realize was still active on facebook, walks up to you and says, "So, how's your kid feeling?".I don't know about you, but I tend to forget that there are other people that can read my status because I only have a few regulars on my homepage (which is another thing I hate, but I'm not going to mention that). OK, so technically, it's our fault for putting all that stuff out there on facebook (or this blog perhaps), but it's still creepy. If you're a lurker, don't say anything and remain anonymous. It's better for everyone.

12. I hate when certain people make me feel like I can't be myself around them. I'm not sophisticated. I don't have a college education. I'm a stay at home mom. I shop for my clothes at Target (except for my jeans, of course). That's who I am...why do I feel the need to be prim and proper when I'm not. I'm just NOT. That doesn't mean I don't use manners. But I do like to wear my ripped jeans and flip flops, and during the winter, I like my wool socks and ugly Sanuks**. I like big, roomy, sweat shirts and often go without make-up because I just don't feel like putting it on (that, and also because I'm just naturally beautiful and it's just a shame to cover it up). I like to sit on the couch with my feet tucked up under me. I eat fast and A LOT (just ask Tim. He hates to take me out for dinner because I eat more than him. So not joking). And I don't care how much the wine costs, if it tastes good and takes the edge off, I'll drink it. Awww, heck! Who am I kidding...it doesn't even have to taste good.

13. I hate when it takes me 3 hours to write the blog and another 2 hours to edit. When is someone going to start paying me for this?!?!? Anyone?

Ok, so it was a baker's dozen, but they're always better.

*I'd just like to state for the record, that I am opposed to "special brownies". I do not promote the consumption of "special brownies" in anyway. Honest and for true. I was just saying that to get a laugh. Did it work? Oh, nor do I promote the use of the word hate so much...but it fit here.

**I'd also like to state for the record, that I realize I am very critical of what other people wear...however, when one chooses to wear grossly, ill-fitting clothes, they're setting themselves up for some criticism.

Ahhhhh...I feel so much better.

Time to Tan

Does anyone know where spring went? It was winter, then summer, then winter again, and summer again. I personally would like to enjoy a few days of spring before it gets so freakin' hot I have to shower at least 3 times a day because I can't stand my own stench.

So, I've been wearing t-shirts without one of my extremely large sweatshirts over it and I'm not likin' what I see. Not only am I a little pudgier than I'd like to be...but I am one white girl. No denying it. My brother and sister are both whities, too, but they tan naturally and have these beautiful golden tans. I burn. I turn bright red, peel, and then start the whole process again. I should have been a red head. In fact, I had my hair red for quite a while when I was younger and people were shocked to find out it was from a bottle.

Tim is olive complected and when he tans, he turns black. One year, at the end of our week long vacay on the beach, we took family pictures. Tim was literally black. It was almost comical. The girls tend to get a more golden tan. Must have come from my daddy...

My dad is dark complected. After we met my half brother a few years ago (now that's an interesting story I'll share with you sometime...), I realized where all my dad's olive skin went. Jerk. (Just kidding!! Geez. Chill.)

So, since it's getting warm and I'm wanting to wear short sleeve shirts (but no shorts because I don't do shorts. The veins in my legs look like a road map to nowhere.), I figure it's time to get my tan on...literally. I take the bottle, stand in the shower and spray away. And wah-la! I'm tan. I'm sure I'll wake up in the morning and look like an orange zebra, but at least I won't be white anymore. Some color is better than none, right? Yeah...let's go with that.

P.S. I'm not proof reading this, so deal with it, k?