Vault Denim...Holler!

Ok, here we go...I haven't talked much about Vault Denim in my blog, so today, you're in for it...

When I joined Vault, in March of 2011, I thought it was going to be an easy sell. I mean, what woman doesn't like jeans? Boy, I was sadly mistaken. It's so bizarre to me, too. Nearly every single woman on the face of the earth owns at least ONE pair of jeans. And most women LOVE them. Many of those women wear them on a daily basis...like me! These same women also HATE shopping for jeans because it's often hard to find the right pair. "The waist is too big!" "The waist is too small." "The legs are too tight." "The pockets are too far apart." "They're too long." "They're too short." They're too blingy." "I want more bling...." I could go on...

And here, I thought, "Man, I can really help these women. I will bring 120+ pairs of jeans, to them, in the comfort of their own home (or office, salon, school, street corner), surrounded by their friends, everyone will find the perfect pair of jeans and we will all live happily ever after! Win! Win!" But that didn't happen. It did happen a couple of times, but for the most part...it's been a struggle. And I can't figure it out....are women that picky? So picky that you can't find one pair of jeans you like out of the 120+ I brought for you? One Hundred and Twenty. All different, too.

So many times we find a brand that "works for us" and want to stick to it and most times turn our noses up at anything else. Silly really, because there are so many different brands and styles to choose from. I'm giving you the opportunity to try them.

Let me explain how Vault works...

I have 3 huge bags full of jeans that I pack and bring to your house (or wherever you want) and I set them all out, in stacks, by size, from 0-24. Yes. TWENTY FOUR. Do you know that what means? There is literally something for everyone. There are usually 10-12 pair of each size, too. These jeans are usually the bling/stitch jeans that everyone is wearing, but I realize that they're not for everyone. So....

We also have premium, designer jeans. AUTHENTIC DESIGNER JEANS. NAME BRANDS. NO KNOCK OFFS. NO SECONDS...If you're into that sort of thing. I'm not so much, but I do like that the premiums tend to be a little more plain than the other ones. We carry sizes 24-36ish on those bad boys. The price range on all of the jeans is from $48-$92 + tax.

Now, people. This is a legit business. Vault has agreements with many of the major brands out there (can't name names because of that agreement, though). After the season is over, we are allowed to come in and buy the overstock at a very reasonable price and sell them to you for much less than the department stores and boutiques. Those jeans you saw at Nordstroms for $200, we probably have for $92 or less...

I'm not going to lie, to ya. Our blingy jeans, like the LA Idol, might be a little more than you find at the local cheesy mall store. That's because they go down to LA and buy a few and sell them for next to nothing to get you into the store to buy other things. And that's ok, but we don't have other things. Jeans. That's it. Lots and lots of jeans. So, instead of spending money on cheap clothes, you spend it on a nice pair of quality jeans.

Vault Denim is also working hard and designing their own lines of jeans. "House brands" they call them. We've had some of them in our inventory for a while now and they are some of the best sellers. They're price point is comparable to the others, but are better quality, made from a nicer denim and are made to fit a woman. Their current premium line, Emerson Edwards, is amazing (she said in a high pitched opera singing voice). I just counted in my closet and I have 7 pair of them. Yes...7. And I love every single one of them. They also make them for men. Tim has a pair and can I just say, his butt looks H-O-T in 'em. Oh, and skinny...oh, and COLORS...a rainbow of skinny Emerson Edwards. OMGee...they are soooo cute. I have an electric blue pair. I'm going to wear them on Saturday and I can't hardly wait!!! Can you say, "Sass-a-licious"?!?!?!

(Me, sans makeup, with my new colored Emerson Edwards. Jealous much?)

We also have little girls, that Mia loves and looks adorable in...and boys and babies, too. And did I mention we have maternity? Yeah...it's all coming. Some of it's here, some of it's coming and some of it will only be online, but it's all amazing. And it's all only through Vault.

The short time I've been in this business, I've learned a few things about women...

1. Women are obsessed with numbers. "Oh Em Gee...these run so small! I'm normally a 1 but these are a 3! Gasp!" Silly really, since no one sees the tag...on the inside...while you're wearing them. Honestly? Who gives a rat's ass?!?!?! If I had a dime for every time someone told me I was skinny then were shocked to hear what size jeans I wore, I'd be a rich woman. Not that I go around blurting out what size I wear, but sometimes at parties it comes up. But, it's all an illusion, people. Who cares about the number...it's the fit and feel, for crying out loud!!! So, if you come looking for a size 3, but really need a 5 or 7, don't be discouraged. It's not you...it's the jeans.

2. Women are delusional about what size they actually are. I often hear, "I wear a 27..." and I look at them and think, "I wear a 29 and I'm pretty sure you couldn't fit your big toe in my jeans right now..." I swear sometimes they just say that to hear themselves talk. The other day, in Vegas, at the convention, (where we were all Vault Denim reps, and should know what size we wear), I was buying a pair of jeans...ok...um...3 pairs of jeans (yes, all Emerson Edwards, so what?), and the girl writing me up mentioned what size I was buying. A girl in the line behind me said, "What? You're tiny! I can't believe you wear a 29! I wear a 27." As if 29 is huge or something and really...if this girl was a size 27, Rosie O'Donnell is a heterosexual conservative.

3. If I hear, "I just need to lose some weight first", one more time....UGH!! Holy shitaki mushrooms!! Get over it!! Seriously. We all want to lose weight. Always. We'll never be satisfied. It's the nature of the beast. Again, I'm going to be honest with you...you're not going to lose that weight. You're totally sitting at the computer right now, reading this, eating a brownie, or cookie, or drinking a Pespi. Let's face it. It's. Not. Going. To. Happen. So, why not look and feel good now? Who doesn't feel good when they look good, no matter their size? If you feel frumpy, you're going to look frumpy. Get yourself a pair of cute, sassy jeans that fit you perfect now and reward yourself with a new pair when and if you finally do lose that weight! (Said the salesperson...)

4. Women are snobs. I swear. Some think I'm selling junk from my trunk that I bought off some guy off a street corner in New London (that's a funky little town near by....). Well, I didn't. Would I be charging you sales tax if I was trying to peddle stolen goods? (That would be really stupid...I think...but I've never bought or sold stolen goods, so I'm not real sure of the rules...besides not selling stolen goods to begin with.) I'm also not an outlet store, so I don't have all the seconds that get sent away because they weren't good enough to be sold in the "real" store. Don't judge what I do until you see it for yourself.

5. For some, it's all about the name. I'll be honest (there is a lot of honesty in this blog today. Honesty and swearing.)...before I started this, I never looked at brands and I never knew (or cared about) brands. I shopped at Target. But now that I do, I tend to notice them more...however, I still don't care. Actually, I look at these women walking around in their fancy, name brand jeans and think..."hum...I wonder how much she paid for those? Probably twice as much as I sell them for. Poor little misguided jean snob."

6. For others, well, they're just plain cheap! Not frugal...cheap. Because if they were frugal, they'd buy their jeans from me. Frugal is smart. Cheap is stupid. Some women I know just refuse to pay $50 for a pair of good jeans,  so, they go to Target and buy some for $30 (note that's only $20 less) that fit weird and fall apart. I know this to be true, because I had a pair from Target. A pair that I actually LOVED, but one day, I bent over and they ripped...right up the crotch. The material was already thin and it didn't take long for me to wear it out and RRRRIIIIPPPPPPP!!!! I thank the good Lord I was home when it happened, and that I was wearing good underwear. {{Please note I mean no ill will towards Target. I love that place. It's my second home and sometimes I think I single handedly keep them in business, buying everything there, with the exception of my jeans.}}

So, the point of today's blog is this:

I'm not asking anyone to give me a kidney. I'm not even asking you to buy anything...I'm asking you to give it a chance. And if you're not interested, maybe you know someone who is. I really want to make this work. I want this to be my job. I want to be a denim expert. I want to own 50+ pairs of jeans and love every one of them and I want everyone else to love them, too...no matter their size. Vault Denim can do that for all of us. Just give them a chance.