Kimberly Ann Dodson

So, apparently after the post "Someone, Please Throw Me a Rope", I think I sort of had some closure or something, because I feel a little more like writing these days. LUCKY YOU!!

Today I will share with you a few random things you might not know about me. Brace yourselves.

1. When fixing myself a fountain drink, I CAN NOT, and I WILL NOT take the lid off the top. The thought of all the people that possibly have touched that lid makes me break out in hives. I have to go down 5-10 lids before I feel comfortable. Seems like all of sudden I'm germaphobic. I use my foot to push open a trash can and I scrub myself down with wipees after a visit to the DMV. By time I'm 40, I'm going to live in a bubble.

2. Taylor Swift drives me bonkers, but I love her music, and that makes me even more bonkers! Why must she have such catchy music?!?! Curse you Taylor. However, right now, I'm watching her on Good Morning America and I want to slap that red lipstick off her face, but "Never Getting Back Together" is playing in the background and I can't turn it. And my goodness...does that girl get around or what? I'm starting to think any guy that dares to date her is doing it just to get a song written about them. Hey, Taylor. They don't really like you...they just want to be immortalized in a catchy song, even if it's mean.

3. Oh hey, guess what? I'm obsessed with Big Time Rush. I have always had a thing for beautiful men. It doesn't matter what age they are (except now, I draw the line at under 18, for legality's sake). Big Time Rush is so adorable and they're funny and they also have catchy music and James is, well, *sigh*. But I also love Josh Duhamel and Tom Selleck, so my love of beautiful men knows no boundaries.

4. Ok, here's a doozie. Ready? I wax the inside of my nose. GASP!! Oh, please. Big deal...so I wax the inside of my nose. It's perfectly normal...isn't it? Ok, maybe it's not, but know this...I don't worry about a rogue hair hanging out of my nose (admit it, you totally just checked for a nose hair, didn't you?) or having to use one of those nose hair clipper things that leaves short little hairs that prick me when I pick blow my nose. Or how all the little cut hairs fall out onto my upper lip. GA-ROSS!! I'm not going to lie to ya...it hurts a little. Ok...I just lied...it feels like someone is plucking hair from the backside of my brain. It's very therapeutic, actually, she said sarcastically. Then when I'm done, I still have residual wax in my nostrils and every time I blow my nose for the next two days, the tissue gets stuck to it. So if you see me running around with something white hanging out of my nose, you should know...I just waxed. 

5. I make my own deodorant. I always get the weirdest looks when I tell people that, but honestly...BEST. DEODORANT. EVER. Forever, I've never felt anything actually did the job like it was suppose to *embarrassing*. I was always "unsure". (If you've ever given me a hug and I give you like a little penguin hug, where I keep my arms at my sides and only bend at my elbows and pat you on the waist, you can pretty much guarantee I felt I was having a deodorant malfunction.) But, NOT ANYMORE!! Thanks to Pinterest and baking soda, I am as a fresh a daisy! (Why is that an expression? Are daises really fresh? They don't really have a pleasant smell, do they?) While the homemade deodorant doesn't provide you with an antiperspirant, it doesn't matter, because you can sweat like a fat man on a treadmill, and still be odor-free! Besides, antiperspirants are bad for you anyway, because they clog the pores ("blah blah blah", said the granola). Baking soda, cornstarch, coconut oil and essential oils are all you need. I don't use essential oils because I'm too lazy to drive someplace that sells them. And one recipe calls for bees wax, but I don't like the bees wax, because it stinks and it feels weird...but then, I had an epiphany! SCENTSY BAR!!! It's got the wax like the bees wax, but you can get like any scent known to man!! Currently, I'm wearing a "cucumber/lime" scent. You are welcome.

6. I dance in the car. So, if you see me on the street and I look like I'm having a seizure, I'm not...there's just a catchy song on the radio...probably Taylor Swift or Big Time Rush. Or that awesome Owl City/Carly Rae Jepson song "Good Time". I LOVE that song!!!

7. I secretly want to ram any car on the street that has an Obama sticker on it. Yesterday I saw the best, "Save the country! Vote Democrat!" Ok, maybe not RAM, but give them a good tap, just enough to hopefully jar some sense into them!! That's all. I bet Taylor Swift has an Obama sticker on her car. Probably James does, too, because it's the "cool Hollywood" thing to do, but give me a few minutes with him. I'll change his mind.

8. I'm secretly obsessed with the way I look. I guess "obsessed" isn't the right word. Conscience, maybe? I just mean I refuse to wear anything that might potentially land me on the "People of Walmart" website. I can go without make up and throw on a hat, but I will not wear a shirt that hugs the curves of my muffin top. Oh, hell no!!! If you ever see me in something like that, please call 911, because I've obviously suffered a stroke or been abducted by aliens. I'm not even kidding.

9. I hate road construction!!! It infuriates me. Especially when it's the same roads and is NEVER ENDING. Holy Hello Kitty!! Right now in Tulare, you can't go anywhere without getting stuck in road construction traffic.That being said, I secretly like being stuck in LA traffic (within reason). Well, if I have to pee, not so much...but if we're not in a hurry and my kids are sleeping (that's the key), I think it's sort of relaxing. Oh. My. Word. It's official, I'm insane.

10. I'm actually quite shy. Yes, I am. I can write like crazy and put down anything and everything I'm thinking, politically correct or not (usually NOT, see #7), but I come off as not very friendly. I'm often mistaken as, dare I say...a bitch (sorry, mother-in-law), at least I think I'm mistaken...maybe I'm not. I hate to say something that sounds completely hilarious in my head and then no one laughs. It mortifies me, so I just keep those hilarious thoughts, that could potentially turn your entire day around, to myself, because I'm afraid you won't laugh. I write exactly like I think, and from the reactions I get to my Facebook posts and this blog, I'm pretty freakin' hilarious, but when I say it out loud, I feel like everyone looks at me like, "OMG...I can't believe she actually just said that!" I write what I know everyone is thinking, but apparently they don't want to discuss out loud. And since apparently the only thoughts that run through my head are somewhat inappropriate, I choose to say nothing at all. Hum... I'm thinking maybe I should re-think the way I think. Smhhh.

Now, that you know these things, let's go on and pretend it didn't happen. Deal?

Have a good day, friend.