Then There's Us Ugly Girls....

Have you ever noticed that the girls who are just naturally beautiful are always perfect and never have any underlying "issues". Nothing they have to cover up. They have the perfect hair, the perfect skin, the perfect nails. Even when they're sick, they're beautiful. They can go without make up and pull their hair up in a messy bun and still look stunning. They always smell nice, too.

Then there's us ugly girls. Well, not ugly...but we have to work at it. We look amazing on the outside, but underneath all the make up and cute Target clothes, we're a hot mess.

While the beautiful girls have perfect hair, we have frizzy, half curly, half straight hair, and we spend hours trying to make it look decent. Then goes to hell in a hand basket when there is even a hint of moisture in the air. Actually, mine is stick straight, but still requires blow drying with precision and a flat iron to make it look decent. If I don't fix it...I look like Paul McCartney during the Beatle years.

While the beautiful girls have perfect skin, we battle acne, spider veins, and cysts. Ok, so I never really battled much acne, but I have had my share of break outs and always at the perfect time...like picture day! And nothing covers it. Not even flesh colored spackle. Some how, that one enormous zit seems to remain very red and very, very large.

Spider veins. Ugh. I don't even have to wear fishnets because I've got them built right in! I swear...as soon as I start making money with this blog, I'm totally going to a plastic surgeon. I don't care what people think. Laser hair removal. Laser skin resurfacing. Botox. I'm all in!

Then there's the cysts. Yeah. Freakin' cysts. Today I went to the doctor for a sinus infection and what I thought was a swollen gland, brought on by the said sinus infection. I should be so lucky. I have this enormous cyst under my arm. And by under my arm, I mean my armpit. And it will probably have to be to be drained. Yep. Drained. Oh. My. Word. I'm so disgusting!! UGH!! I've been feeling so sorry for myself today, then I remembered someone I know (very well) had one on her butt. Then I felt a little better...well, a lot better, because I started laughing and couldn't stop. I'm seriously laughing out loud as I type this. Sorry, someone I know (very well), for laughing at you, but you made me feel better!!

After I left the doctor I went to the outlet mall and was in a store talking to a girl about some boots. Then I got this tickle in my throat. It started out little...then got BIG, FAST. My eyes started watering and then I started choking...and the girl just kept talking. I had mascara running down my face and I couldn't barely catch my breath. I finally said, "Um...cough cough...I have to...cough cough...go...cough cough..." The look on her face was priceless...And then I went running out the door, coughing uncontrollably and trying desperately not to pee my pants in the parking lot. I bet that never happens to a pretty girl.

It's so not fair.

I bet pretty girls don't burp, fart, or poop, either.

Wow. I just lay it all out there, don't I?