Why? Why can't it just be easy to do a family picture? I don't understand why God makes it nearly impossible to do a family picture without someone getting physically injured on picture day.
Today was the day I had been waiting on for a couple months. Well, technically years, because it's been several years since we took family pics last. I found a scarf...chevron print with grey, black, cream, tan and brown in it, and that was to the be inspiration for our entire wardrobe. I spent weeks and I don't even know how much money on our outfits. I would buy something and return it and buy something else and return it. Then when I finally realized I wasn't going to be able to find everything I needed at Target (because, yeah, that's the only place I went), I ventured over to the outlet mall. I have to admit...I felt defeated. Target let me down. Anyhoo...Finally, two days before the shoot, I did it! I had everything picked out and on hangers in my closet. NO ONE was to touch or even LOOK at their outfits. I was taking no chances.
Fast Forward to this morning: I woke up, lined up my soldiers and gave them their orders. "Baths. Showers. Teeth. Hair. Dressed. Once you are dressed and your hair is done, you are not to move, eat or breathe. Now MARCH!!"
Wait...have you noticed I keep telling them they can't breathe? I swear there is nothing sinister going on here.....*wink*
Then, it all went to hell in a hand basket. I was going to go into full detail of what went wrong, but I could start feeling the tension rise inside me as I typed. Stewing and boiling in my core...and I'm certain my family would not survive another blow up. There would be casualties, this I assure you.
Now, can someone please tell me why? Why can't it just go smoothly?!?! I swear all Mia's clothes fit on Thursday when I completed her outfit. Now why all of a sudden did the crotch on her jeggings hit her about her knees and her boots look like she borrowed them from Ronald McDonald? And her jacket look like it belonged to a giant and her shirt like it shrunk in the dryer?!?! WHY?!?!? And then the dang scarf. The scarf that was to be the center of attention (around my neck, duh)....why, when I put it on with my carefully thought out outfit, did it look retarded?!?!?! I was in my bathroom alone and I couldn't help it. I started talking to myself (I think might have even stomped my feet a little)..."Oh my gosh! I can't do this!! Why is this happening? This was the inspiration for the entire wardrobe and it looks STUPID!!! I CAN'T DO THIS!!!"
Then Tim walked in. He looked at me like, "OMG...she's gone off the deep end." (I get that look a lot.) I blurted out that my scarf looked stupid and we had to stop by Tilly's to get Mia a new shirt. Just like that. Scarf is stupid and Mia needs a new shirt. He sighed and said, "So are we just going to give away the one that doesn't fit?!?!" Seriously? Did you not hear that MY scarf looked stupid? Mia's problem was an easy fix. Mine was nearly life threatening! I needed support, not, "Oh my gosh you're going to spend another $20?!?!" Because, you know...we're so destitute we can't afford a $20 shirt. Did I want to spend that extra money? NO!! And I really didn't want to make the stop at the stupid outlet mall on Saturday, either, but it was vital to the success of our family photos! So, um...yeah. I sort of went off. "I'm sorry but I've worked so hard on this and it's all falling apart on me!! And if you're worried about that extra $20, then we have problems because I'm pretty sure our insurance doesn't cover the mental institution I'm checking myself into after this!"
I popped a pill, calmed down, got in the car, stopped at the outlet mall, (where I went to pay and realized I didn't have my ATM card), and arrived at the studio (a couple minutes late) all in one piece. We somehow managed to take the pictures without tears, violence, or tequila. What they look like, I have no idea. But we all had on clothes, I managed to make my scarf look ok, and the pictures are done, da*n it! Surely, with all the shots she took, and the wonderful magic that is photoshop, there's got to be something in there I'll hang on my wall.
God, please...PLEASE let there be something there!!
I'll keep you posted.
P.S. My sister was taking bets on which one of the girls would cry once we got there (not including me). Sorry, sissy. No tears were shed...but then again, I have yet to see the proofs.
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