It's About to get Personal ((Because I've NEVER Done THAT Before, wink wink))

Since I no longer post my thoughts on Facebook, I'm coming here to vent everything that has run through my mind this morning. But first, I must warn you that the video blog will not be happening right away, as I have to figure out exactly how to do it…and I have to get over this cold that came out of no where. I'm starting to think that someone with a Kimberly voodoo doll had something to do with it, but whatever….I'm not judging you. You're free to feel how you feel about me…I still love you.

Here are all my random thought for today….up until 9am:

1. I have a cold and an uncontrolled dripping nose and the urge to sneeze but never do. I ache all over. It hurts to wear clothes, but alas, I am wearing them.

2. I have stomach issues and it's really getting on my nerves!! (This is where it's going to get really personal, so brace yourself). It never freakin' fails. I get in the car to drive the kids to school and the cramps start. Not just little cramps. No, no, no. The kind of cramps where you're doubled over in pain and wishing someone would just put you out of your misery. But guess what….my kids have to go to school and be there by a certain time, despite my crippling stomach cramps. I literally get in the car and think, well, this is it. Today is the day that one of two things are going to happen: I'm either going to pass out at the wheel from the pain, or I'm going to poop my pants in the car. Either one would be a complete disaster. (For the record, I have previously written about my stomach issues a year or two back…) Today it almost happened, but somehow, by the grace of God, I made it home. Ugh…I have so many issues…..and apparently no shame.

3. I really hate when people fly into the school parking lot the wrong way. I almost hit a guy today when I was trying to exit the exit and he was entering the exit. And with the stomach issues today, that could have been a double disaster. Dude, it's really not that hard to drive a few more feet and just drive through the parking lot.

4. I'm still all upset about the haps on Facebook last night. I can't let it go. Maybe I need to do my own parody of the Frozen song "Let it Go" about holding grudges. Hum….my wheels are turning.

5. I'm on a quest to lose weight. I'm fluffy right now and I want to lose some poundage. I'm looking forward to sharing that journey with you, via video. That being said, I'm not having much luck so far, (could be the cupcakes and pepsi I pound down everyday, who knows…) and I'm about to start taking Ellen's Degeneres' advice. Yesterday on her show she mentioned a fake account using her name and it was trying to plug a diet remedy. She said, "first of all, I would never post this. I believe in losing weight the old fashioned way….by smoking." ((For those of you who don't understand sarcasm, she was kidding.)) So, if you see me puffing away on my Blu e-cig, it's not because I've gone off the deep end. It's because it's all because of my diet regimen.

6. I had a mammogram yesterday. It wasn't too bad. The worst wasn't until afterwards, when I realized it didn't even bother me that some other woman was tossing my girls all over the place.

7. I love Ellen Degeneres. ((This is no way related to #6. Keep your mind out of the gutter. Geez.))

I'm done for now. My brain is no longer communicating properly with my fingers, due to a pill I may or may not have popped…..

And I didn't proof read. Ain't nobody got time for that…..

VLOG - - So You Can SEE the Sarcasm

I'm thinking of posting some video blogs on here, because then when I say something sarcastic, you can actually hear the sarcasm in my voice and see it on my face…..

I'm trying to lose weight and be healthy…..

Video blogs about that?

It just got really interesting, right?!?!

Stay tuned! 

UNCLE!!!

That's what my brother use to make me say when he was torturing me and I wanted him to stop. Dear Lord. Have Mercy. UNCLE!! UNCLE!!!

I've said it before, and I'll say it again….I'm sarcastic. Everything I do and say is sarcastic….well, almost everything. I mean, if I tell you I love you, I mean it. But if I say I'm judging you….I'm probably being SARCASTIC!!!

But……

Let's be real…..

We ALL judge. It's true. I think it's just human nature. We all do it, wether we think it, say it, write it, post it….however you choose…you judge. We don't mean to judge. And we don't think of it as judging, but we do it.

You judge me for judging, right? I mean, it's a vicious cycle.

I think a lot of my "opinions" are construed as judging. I also like the words "judge" and "judging" so I use them loosely. Like when I'm singing really badly at the top of my lungs and busting out some of my sick moves, I look at the girls, and say, "Don't judge me!" Or one of them will say, "I'm totally judging you right now." It's just what we say. I thought it was a 'thing', but I guess I was wrong.

Today I posted a picture on Facebook, of what I thought were some very cute, yet incredibly short shorts, (that were on a hanger by they way, and not on anyone's body). They were in the junior section and they looked like they would barely cover Ella's ass (excuse the language. Don't JUDGE me). I'm sort of known for pointing out some inappropriate clothing so I thought it would be funny to post a picture and then comment with my take on them. Afterwards, I laid down for a snooze (don't judge me!) and when I woke up and scanned some comments, I thought to myself, "OMG…I so mad that I just paid to have my eyebrows done, because they were just singed off when that post blew up in my face."

I don't even remember exactly what I said and I didn't even read all the comments, but I know it got ugly…and that was not my intent. It was intended to be humorous.

So, let me explain a little….

I'm not a fan of short shorts. I'm also not a fan of leggings as pants, or tube tops, or pigtails on grown women, or boys that wear their pants below their butts, or have long hair, or their ears pierced, or gauges, or tattoos….I could go on….I'm not a fan of those THINGS...BUT, I LOVE all these people.

I just wanted to be funny and make some people laugh.

One thing that people often say to me is "I love your posts! You always say what everyone is thinking but don't have the guts to say it!" When I say that I'm judging, I don't mean that I'm actually thinking 'you're a slut and going to hell'…I'm thinking…"you look really cute and I hate you", or "you really should NOT be wearing those!"

Don't jump to conclusions and put words in my mouth, or on my page.

I don't think I'll be posting much to Facebook anymore, at least for now. I will come here and say what I want, when I want and if you post a comment I don't like, I'll delete it.

I'm sorry if anyone was offended by anything I ever posted on Facebook. It's all in good fun. Honestly, if Ellen said it, you would laugh….RIGHT?

I LOVE YOU ALL!!!

Peace out.