Favorite Picture of All Time

Ugh...We're on our way to a major meltdown around here so it will be a couple days before I get a chance to sit down and give you a good post. But I had to share this with you...

Here is a picture of my girls, nieces and NEPHEW, from Easter. Note I said nephew, as in the singular form. He's the only boy on my side of the family. Poor guy. He hates it. He wanted me to have a boy so bad when I was pregnant with both Mia and Ella. When I found out Ella was a girl, I called to give him the news and his exact words were, "why did you even bother to call me,".

Poor Grant. They're all giving their "I am Woman, Hear Me Roar" pose, and he's just stuck in the middle...as usual. I'm so blowing this up and framing it. Favorite picture of all time.

Oh, and this was taken with the self timer. I love these kids!!

I Wear Jeans. You Wear Jeans. We All Wear Jeans....

**I'm reposting this, hoping to spread the word a little more. As you read, I mention I'll have an open house on May4th, but I'm also going to have the jeans at Headlines Salon in Tulare tomorrow morning until about 2pm, and I'm hoping even later, but I have to play it by ear. Please let me know if you're interested in hosting a party or even want to hear about the business itself...THANKS!!"

Ladies and Gentlemen! Introducing Vault Denim's newest Fashion Consultant...Kimberly Dodson!!

I know...after that last post about my style impairment, I'm sure you're wondering how I could even qualify for a position such as a 'fashion consultant'. Well...Let me tell ya. I wear jeans...EVERYDAY. Gracie wears jeans...EVERYDAY. THE END.

(Ok, not really "the end" because I'm about to tell you how this happened so quickly...)
Here's the story. Once upon a last Tuesday, I went to a "party" at my sister-in-law, Chantal's house. This girl, Lisa, showed up and brought in a boat load of great jeans. She set them out on the couch and sat there while we all looked at them and tried them on. Then we all bought something and TA-DA! We all went home with adorable jeans that our butts looked amazing in. And everyone lived happily ever after. Now, THE END.

I live in jeans. I love jeans. Why not sell them. Easy peasey, lemon squeezy!

As of right now I will have the jeans out at my house on Wednesday, May 4th if you want to come by (comment and I'll get you my address). I'll also have dessert and I might even bust out the ol' margarita machine. Oh yeah...I went there.

Oh, and I'd be happy to bring them by your house, too, if you're interested. Just sayin'....

**Vault Denim sells designer jeans at a discounted price. They're not seconds. They're nice jeans. Bling jeans. Plain jeans. Capris. Shorts. Skirts. You shop and go home with your jeans. No orders. no waiting. Straight from the display to your butt. www.vaultdenim.com**

Thank you!!!

Just wanted to thank everyone for reading yesterday!! I had 239 views! Whoop whoop!!

So I was thinking of registering my own domain name. Not sure who to go through, though, because I'm an idiot when it comes to that stuff. One thing I do know...I REFUSE to go through Go Daddy. I know that the second I signed on with them, they'd start hounding me to become their newest spokesmodel and I just have way too much on my plate right now.

Anyway...thanks for reading!!!

Great Stuff Happens at Disneyland

Never a shortage of entertainment available at Disneyland...

You got a little taste of our 1st day from an earlier post. Remember the women with the teddy bears? Oh man, that was epic (not even sure that word even fits there, but I've been dying to use it. Did it sound cool?). I'd give anything to go back in time and get a picture of that for you. Great stuff. I will include a few pictures that have no significance to what I'm writing about, but that I just want to show you anyway...

Here's a picture of Tim and Mia, standing next to a statue of "their people". FYI: Tim is 1/5,467Choctaw. No, really, he is. Actually, it's way more than that. It's enough to be a card carrying tribe member.

One day I was having some sinus issues or something and I was super-de-duper dizzy, and the girls wanted to ride the teacups. Fearing my staggering walk had already caught the eye of Disneyland security, I opted to wait while Tim took them. While I was standing there, this super cool guy walked up. Designer jeans. Flip flops. Tight shirt with muscles. Tall. Dark. Handsome. Seriously...he caught my eye, all right. Whoa. That cool breezy morning, got warm real fast. He was pushing a stroller and waiting for someone. I figured on the teacups, too. But pretty soon, this tall, blonde, beautiful girl walks out of the Mad Hatter store, up to super cool guy, carrying a baby boy. He's wearing his very first pair of Mickey Mouse ears, with his name on the back. His name was Stryker Ace.  I mean, seriously. I was certain there was no cooler family in the universe. Not even Brad and Angelina (whom I actually can't stand...). I was in awe of this super cool family and started wishing we could be just a little more like them. They were awesome. Picture perfect. Then...super cool guy opened his mouth...and I think he must have been channeling his late grandmother or something, because the weirdest, girliest voice came out of mouth. My dreams were shattered like a wine glass....by his freakishly, girly, high pitched voice.

Hey...did I tell you about taking Ella to the bathroom? Unlike last year, Ella didn't have any near misses, but by the smell of things, I'd guess someone did. Ella says, "Oh my gosh! What is that stench?" Stench? Really? My three year old (ok, she's ALMOST 4) just used the word stench. After I stopped laughing, I took her in the stall and she just sits there. The woman in the next stall starts going (you could hear it, ya know, duh), but Ella didn't. I said, "Aren't you going to go? You told me you had to go." She said, "I am going." I said, "No, you're not." She said, "Oh yeah, well who's that you hear peeing then?" Um...the lady next door.

I'm not a fan of taking outside food into the park. I figure if you want to experience Disneyland, you have to have the full experience, and that includes spending $500 a day on food. It's just not the same if you bring in your own. But that's just my opinion. One day we were sitting down eating our $50 corndogs and there is a cute little family at the table behind us. I honestly didn't pay that much attention, because they all seemed to be dressed appropiately, but I couldn't help but overhear, "Honey, what kind of bread would you like? And meat? I have turkey, salami, roast beef, ham? Do you want tomatoes and lettuce? The works?" This woman had a full blown Subway in her bag. She was like the Mary Poppins of sandwiches.

As we were sitting in the same spot, because we couldn't move after eating our super greasy $50 corndogs, we noticed the Lost Children/Baby Care Center was nearby. I took this picture...

See the kids at the door? Mia saw them and asked, "Mom, are the kids at the Lost Children place orphans?" Yes, honey. And they are the happiest orphans on earth. 

So you know that Disneyland doesn't serve any alcohol, right? But California Adventure does. Muahahahahaha. Here's a question...if they're going to rent out strollers for $15 a day, why don't they attach a cup holder to it? Obviously, if you're having to push a stroller, you NEED cup holder. It's nearly impossible to push a stroller, try to take inconspicuious pictures, AND carry a margarita. I mean, not that I would know personally, or anything. I'm just guessing that it might be a little hard to do, if you're the kind of person that would do something like that.

This is me, after a maragrita. See...I'm smiling. I managed a margarita because Gracie was with me and I made her push the stroller. I. Am. Mother. Of. The. Year. Deal with it.

We saw a girl puking her guts out at CaliAdven. It was blue stuff. She was sitting on a bench with her boyfriend, leaning over the arm, barfing on the ground, while her boyfriend was texting. Such compassion he had. When she was done, they got up and walked...I mean staggered off. I'm pretty sure she was drunk, but I have to admit that I wasn't sure it was alcohol at first...until I went into the elecTRONica thing (which is super cool, by the way) and saw the blue beverage they were serving. So, I did a little research and yep. It was alcohol. But why was she drunk? She didn't have any kids or anything. It's not like she needed alcohol to get through the day, (not that I did, either, but you know...some people do).

"Mommy got a margarita, so it's only fair I got ice cream."

"And I could eat it from a mile away with this tongue."

I don't know what you're feeling about breastfeeding in public is, but I have a pretty strong opinion about it. I don't like it...unless I don't know you're doing it, then I could care less. But when I'm sitting on a bench, and you come plop yourself down, practically in my lap,whip out your boob and try to force feed your baby, who obviously isn't hungry, I might let you know I don't like it. I might not verbalize it, but you'll know. I might shoot daggers at you with my eyes. I might let out a big ol' "Are you freakin' kidding me? You're going to breastfeed your baby right here, right now?" sigh. I might even throw an elbow to your boob as I get up and stomp away. But one way or another, you'll get that I really don't like it. I don't want to cause all sorts of controversy with this, because I know "it's what's best for the baby..." and "it's the most natural way..." and "that's why God gave us breasts...", yada yada. But it doesn't mean it's ok to whip out your bare boob. I'm just sayin'....

We were walking along the sidewalk and this woman came flying around a blind intersection on a scooter and nearly took out 3 kids in the process. What is the deal with people on their scooters?!?! Seems like every group at the park these days just rents wheelchairs and scooters so they can get on the rides quicker. When we went on Pirates (aaggghhhh!!!), there was a line out the door and into the street of handicapped riders and their families. Taking advantage, are we? Oh, but I do have a funny little story about a woman on a scooter. The family was walking along and there was a little girl about Mia's age prancing along. At some point she squealed and her Grandma, on the scooter, said, "When did you learn to sqeal like that?" And the little girl responds, without even thinking..."About the time you learned to drive that thing!" Ohmigosh...serious hilariousness (sure that's not a word, but I like it anyway...).

Here are a few other quick things I witnessed on this trip:

I saw on old, old woman wearing a tag that said, "VIP dancer". Hum...
Tim saw a woman pushing 60 wearing a 1/2 shirt...with no cami underneath. He will never be the same.
I saw kids collecting all the coins out of a fountain and then their mom stopping them...to go on a ride. They went on that ride with pockets full of change. And probably bought the entire family $50 corndogs for dinner.
At some point in your life, you need to stop going to Disney 365 at Downtown Disney and getting your hair done with corn rows, glitter and colored, fake strands of hair. Anywhere from the age of 10 and up, you look like an idiot.
I'm pretty sure I saw Walt Disney's MOTHER working at the Emporium. Seriously the oldest woman I've ever seen in my life and I'm guessing the only reason she was working there is because they felt obligated. I'm not even kidding when I say I think she was 125 years old if she was a day.

We really did have a great time, but not looking forward to going back right away...unless it's alone, with my camera....and someone to hold my corndog...and margarita.

P.S. OMGee...I almost forgot. ElecTRONica is soooooo awesome!!! They have Flynn's arcade full of all the great 80's video games, i.e. Donkey Kong, Frogger, Astroids (I think that's what it's called), etc. Then they have dance music outside and alcoholic drinks that have light up ice cubes in them. I'd like to go back with someone I won't embarass. Someone besides my 12 year old daughter and her friends.

What Not to Wear at Disneyland...or ANYWHERE for that Matter

I know you've all been anticipating this post for a while now. As usual, you're checking in, endlessly, to see if I've posted yet. I apologize for making you wait. But it's only fair that I tell you, that my 1st priority isn't keeping my readers happy (all 27 of you), at least not this weekend.  And stuff as good as this takes time, you know?

So, I only have a few pictures because it's not real easy to take pictures of random people, making sure you don't get a good shot of their face (to protect the innocent, of course), while trying to keep your kids (and everyone around you) from catching on to what you're doing. And I didn't get near as many as I could of because, while I had the camera within reach at all times, there were times that I had my hands full...mostly with food. Oink Oink.

Ok...here it goes...

Aren't they cute? I especially love the stirrup pants with  the little heels (totally practical shoes for a day of walking at Disneyland, don'tcha think?). Oh, and the bows around their arms. A special tribute to Minnie, perhaps? My theory is, this is thier first trip, and I'd bet money they went right in and bought their Minnie Mouse ears.

No, not the little girl..I'm shallow, but not THAT shallow. I'm talkin' about Grand-ma-ma. Let's all pray that this little girl does NOT follow Grandma's fashion sense.

*I also saw Grand-ma-ma later that night, dressed the same way, hanging all over a man. Total baby barf.

I'm sorry to those of you that actually wear your hair like this from time to time,  but I'm here to tell you (in my blog, because I don't have the guts to tell you to your face), that this is unacceptable after the age of 6. And good gracious with the red gingham tube top. Good gracious. There were also shorts and ugg type boots involved. Sorry you missed it.

I'm just guessing here, but this must be a case of "I raided my little sister's closet". This case should to go to trail.

You have to look closely at this one, but look at the girl next to the post. Purple tube top. And that other woman's hand is covering them, but she is wearing shorts. You might disagree, but I'm thinking Disney's California Adventure is no place to be practicing your pole dancing. But, that's just my opinion.

This woman...oh wait. That's all...

These few shots just scratch the surface of what you can see at the Disneyland Resort. I'm dreaming of  my next trip...One where I'm alone, parked on a bench somewhere. Just me and my camera. I suppose it would be nice to have someone with me. Someone that could hold my corndog while I snapped a picture. Oh, what a trip that would be....

**I realize it can get hot at Disneyland and I do excuse tank tops and short shorts (that fit PROPERLY) and I don't expect everyone to look like me (you know, supermodelish). I don't expect designer jeans on everyone (although, that would be nice, especially if they all bought them from me {wink wink}), but I would like people to realize that just because they make it in your size, doesn't mean you should wear it. When I go to Disneyland, I try to dress comfortably. Wear comfortable shoes. Clothes that fit properly. Stuff I can move in. That's why I don't understand all these people wearing clothes that are too tight and restrictive. How can that be comfortable? There is no way those pants that are creating the biggest muffin top EVER, and those shorts that are cutting the circulation off to your legs are comfortable. No way. And what about the tube top that is so tight it looks like you have six boobs, two in front, two in the back, and one on each side. Sigh...I wish everyone could be like me. Because I'm perfect.**

Great Parenting Advice...from the Wild

I wasn't going to post today, but after this morning with my three animals, I needed to.

My friend Tracy often says that she now understands why some animals eat their young.

I'm thinkin' about having a big ol' BBQ.

Sound Advice for My Family (and Kristi, too): if you don't see my girls tomorrow, and there is way more meat than expected...you might consider stoppin' by KFC on your way out.

P.S. Disneyland blog is still a few days out. But don't worry, Nancy, it's coming...and it will be worth the wait. {hehehe Sometimes I just gotta toot my own horn.}

HOME

We're home. And I have about 8 million things to do, because I'm such a genius and offered to host Easter...after I have been gone for a week. So...I must apologize to my fans (HAHAHA!! fans!!!! That's funny, right der!) but I won't be getting to my big Disneyland post until probably Monday...unless I have another horrible night sleep, like last night. Which reminds me....

So, I'm tossing and turning all night (a result of not taking the proper medication, but I didn't feel like OD'ing so I toughed it out) and we had the windows open because it was just so flippin' nice outside. While I did get some sleep, it was unrestful (is that even a word? I don't know, but I'm sure my sister will correct me if it's not.), and I heard everything....including when my neighbor's van window got shattered. But, I thought it was part of my dream. What kind of neighbor am I?

And what the heck with all their car windows getting shattered lately? So sorry, Christine. That really stinks. Next time I think I hear something, maybe I'll actually get my butt out of bed and look. OMGee...I could have been a hero!! Shoot. But, seriously...what a bunch of losers. I mean, do you really have nothing better to do in the middle of the night? This is just a suggestion, but how about you take the proper medication...and get some sleep!

I just heard Tim yell and I'm not sure if it was a laugh or a cry of pain. Maybe I should go check. I wonder if he has his cell phone, then I could just call him without getting out of bed. Okay!!!! I'll get up. Geez.

Happy Easter Everyone!!

P.S. I have no idea why why some of those words are highlighted and it's really bugging me, but I don't know how to fix it. Super annoyed.

Quick Disneyland Update

I'm not going to do much of a post today because it's late (yeah, 6:32pm is late to me. I'm old.) and I don't have time to elaborate on anything, so I just have to tell you what my precious, precious angel said to me last night. My uber creative friend, Jennifer, was in our room and she was helping me "cute" up my boxy t-shirt. You know...cut and tie, add a little bling. So, I was trying it on and for some reason I was a little bloated. I'm woman. It happens....often. (Enter pouty, sad face here. Boo-hoo!) So my precious little angel (yes, I'm referring to one of my own kids) looks up, touches my belly and says, "are you growing a baby in there or something?" As Jennifer burried her head in a pillow, and I started crying softly, I replied, "NO!" Ella comes back with, "Well, then why is it all fat and stuff?" I was suppose to wear that shirt today to show my support for the kids while they performed. I wore black instead. And a girdle.

HEY!! As I'm typing this, I just realized that we have a new a/c unit in our room. When I say new, I mean, as in newer than the one we had this morning. That's super weird. Tim and I both stuck our heads out to make sure we were in the right room.

Well, pray for me. We're going to try to shut down the park. Heaven help me.

Disneyland, Day 1

Here is a quick (ok, we all know it's not going to be quick) recap of yesterday's trip to Disneyland.

First of all...I can't believe I was even the slightest bit worried about not finding good blogging material at Disneyland. Oh my word...I could write a flippin' book on what goes on at Disneyland. It's so awesome. When I get home I'm going to do an entire blog about "what not to wear at Disneyland" with pictures and everything. I have to tell you that it's not been easy getting these pics, because every time I take a random picture, Mia yells, "WHAT ARE YOU TAKING A PICTURE OF, MOM?!?! IT'S LIKE YOU'RE TAKING PICTURES OF NOTHING!!" Oh, if she only knew.....

I didn't get a picture of this because I had a churro in my hand and I was trying to push the stroller. It was a total money shot, too. I yelled at Tim that I couldn't have my hands full because I needed to be able to grab my camera at a seconds notice. Anyway...

I saw, what I believe to be a mother and daughter duo. I'm not talking like me and Mia. I'm talking like, me and my mom....maybe older. Ok, so you know that I'm not big on judging people, so know that I'm not judging. NOT JUDGING. This is soley my opinion (huge difference). Now are you ready for this? I hope you're sitting.....The mom (who looked more like a grandma) had a baby carrier strapped to her chest with.....ready?......a teddy bear in it. Yep. You heard me. Teddy. Bear. The daughter, also had a carrier, but she wanted to carry her teddy bear. Again...not judging. Only my opinion, but it is my opinion that if that mother is the type of person that will walk around Disneyland with a teddy bear strapped to her chest, she should've refrained from reproducing. AGAIN, just my opinion.

One of the first rides we went on was Pirates. As I was standing in line, and totally fighting an anxiety attack, it was then that I finally admitted to myself that I HATE Pirates of the Caribbean. There, I said it. And I feel like saying it again...I HATE PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN!!! Oh my gosh. I feel so liberated. One time years ago, I was riding it and when we hit the bottom of the first drop, a huge splash of water hit me right in the mouth. I've never been the same since. From the time I get into the building and see those boats cruising around, I start feeling anxious and antsy. I have to start my lamaze breathing to get me through it. I try to shut my eyes through the whole thing, too. I. HATE. IT. From now on, the only time I will ride it, will be with my best friend, Xanax. Anyone is welcome to join us, but you have to bring your own best friend. I don't like to share...and I don't want to go to jail.

I have lots of great stuff to tell you, but I'm going to save it for a big post when I get home. I will leave you with this...I love California Adventure!! Know why? They serve adult beverages. Forget Disneyland...after a margarita, California Adventure is the Happiest Place on Earth!

**Please note that I was writing this under extreme pressure from my family to get off my butt and get ready so we could head back to the park. It's a little rough, but admit it, you thought it was funny....(You do know you can admit it by checking the funny box at the bottom right? I'm just sayin'....)

Shhhhh.....

Ah...It worked. The 2 little ones slept with Tim and I had a restful night's sleep, despite the insane dreams I had. (Why do I always dream that Tim and I aren't married and we have all these kids out of wedlock? Why is that?!?! Super weird. Or that I'm in high school and have all these kids, still not married and live with my parents. Yeah, that's worse than the being naked in public dream, or my all time fave, the one where I desperately need to pee but the only bathroom is a toilet right in the middle of the room. Horrific.) Crazy dreams run in our family I think. Someday I'll share some of my dad's doozies. Man, what is it with me and going off on tangents?

Tim and 'the big one' headed down to eat breakfast and are heading into the park bright and early. I'll take my time, thank you. The '2 little ones' are still sleeping (she said while quietly tip toeing around and singing praises...HALLELUJAH!) so I'm going to take a little breather here, then jump in the shower, in the hopes that I can get ready before they wake up. I know! I know! Fat chance. Especially since just a few minutes ago Mia was talking in her sleep and said something about Disneyland...twice. Why so excited, I ask? Why? It's not like she's never been.

Ohmigosh! The quiet (and by quiet I mean my kids are quiet...because with the sound of the air conditioner, the buses on the street, the doors slamming all around, and the people running up and down the hall does not the quiet make) is so amazing. Shhhhhh.....just let me enjoy it a sec.

Ok...Time's up! Disneyland, hold on to your hats...here come the Dodsons.

**I'm going to regret this comment, I'm sure, but I'm saying it anyway...Oh for heaven's sake! Who's kid is that in the hall, right outside my door that keeps yelling "DAD!"? And why isn't the dad responding? Just say, "WHAT?" Geez...Jess. hahahahahahahaha

Sleeping with the Enemy

Oh my stars and garters!! Last night was our first night "near" the Happiest Place on Earth. (I say "near" because we're down the street and not going into the park until tomorrow. And anyway...how many can say they actually spent the night AT the Happiest Place on Earth? Not many, I assure you, unless you pay a fortune for some special night in the park or you work there. Ok, sorry. Got a little distracted...)

Moving on...

Last night I had the pleasure of sharing a bed, A FULL SIZE BED, I might add, with 2 of my three children. Of course, it was the two that are still crazed sleepers. The ones that wake up with their head at the end the bed, or end up half on, half off the bed. Or sideways on the bed. That's my favorite. Nothing like waking up with two feet lodged under your ribs and you have to get a crow bar to pry them out...meanwhile the kid is sleeping through the whole thing. Oh...Another fave is talking in their sleep. At one point Ella yelled, "NO! I can't do that and my mom can't either!" I have no clue what she was talking about, but I resent the fact that she assumed I can't do it!!

At first, I thought they wanted to sleep with me because they LOVED me. Now I'm starting to think it's quite the opposite. I think they're out to get me. Well, tonight, they can get Tim. I'm sleeping with the big one.

Anyway...Not the greatest way to start out our trip "near" the Happiest Place on Earth, because I assure you...this morning...I. Am. NOT. Happy.

* I would like to send a special shout out to my friend, Tracy Cristallo, for hookin' us up with a chocolate chip muffin, some plain bagels and, um, hello? BACON!! You. Are. Awesome.

Kids Shows

Ok, as I'm sitting here gagging watching Spongebob, I felt compelled to write this...

Spongebob is just stupid, nasty and should be banned. I think Max and Ruby's parents should be turned in for child abandonment. What are the Bubble Guppies? Are they mermaids or guppies? I can't tell. The writers of Yo Gabba Gabba should be drug tested regularly. The Fresh Beat Band needs a new stylist and Dora and Diego? Is it English or Spanish? Please just pick one.

I was watching Looney Tunes the other day and I'm pretty sure that most serial killers watched this regularly as a child. On Tom and Jerry (one of my all time faves) I must say that I don't entirely blame Tom for wanting to smash Jerry with a skillet or put him in the toaster. I mean Jerry's cute and all, but he's still a mouse.

Have you ever seen Micky Mouse's Clubhouse? Holy cow, that thing is flippin' awesome!! I so want to hang out with him. What about the sexual tension between Handy Manny and Kelly? You could cut it with a knife. Oh, and the tools. Um...hello! They're ALIVE. On Chuggington, the "little engines that could", most of the time, can't. And Jungle Junction, HUM...Animals on wheels? I just don't get it.

Oh, and don't even get me started on the commercials!

**React if you agree, please.**

Dog with an Identity Crisis

We have a puppy named Mazie but Ella changes her name for her every day. Today it's Nina. Yesterday it was Millie. If she accidently calls her Mazie on one of the different name days, she'll correct herself. Poor dog has no idea what's she's suppose to respond to. She's got a major identity crisis.
She's also a little dog, but thinks she's a big human.
Gosh I love that stupid dog and she's quickly raising to the top of the ranks as my favorite daughter.
We're leaving her with my parents next week while we go to Disneyland and I'm slightly freaking out. I'm starting to get all misty just thinking about it.Ugh...I'm sick. I know she'll be spoiled rotten while she's at Granny and Grandad's. That is what grandparents do best, right? Maybe I should take Mazie and leave Ella? Hum...I might have to consider that for a minute.......

I'm on My Own

As you all know, tonight is my first Vault party at my house...that I'm doing all by my lonesome. Oh gracious...I feel a stomach ache coming on.

Everyone keeps asking me all these questions that I don't have the answers to because I'm still learning!! I'm going to have an anxiety attack. I can see it now. Better make sure my best friend, Xanax, is free to help me out.

I also keep having a lot of requests for shorts and capris. I wear jeans all year and never wear shorts, so the fact that people aren't wanting jeans right now just boggles me. Carpis I get. But the shorts are throwing me off. "What do you mean you don't want to buy JEANS right now? Who cares if summer is coming!! You can still wear jeans in 110* weather! At least it's a dry heat!"

Anyway...if you're in the vacinity of my house, come on by and see what we have to offer. And if you're feeling a little ornery, feel free to ask me all sorts of questions I won't have the answers to. Then you can watch me squirm!

Disneyland...Is it REALLY the Happiest Place on Earth?

In honor of our upcoming trip to Disneyland next week, I thought I would repost something I wrote about one of our last trips to Disneyland. It's from Feb 2010. And don't worry...I'm sure this next trip will be full of blog worthy material...however I may have to change some names to protect the innocent and block out faces in all the pics I take, to avoid lawsuits. Anyway...enjoy. Enjoy!


For those of you who don't know, this past week was the World Ag Expo here in Tulare. What you might not know is that my kids were also out of school, because of the World Ag Expo. Yeah. They were. Yay US! So, I decided, Hey! It's vacation! Let's do something fun...like go to Disneyland!!
Announcer: "Kimberly Dodson, your kids are out of school for the week! What are you going to do next?" Me: "We're going to Disneyland!!"

Yes, we just went to Disneyland in January. So what. That's what us people in the central valley do. We go to Disneyland...A LOT. I think it's so we can rub it in our Midwestern friends faces. "Oh...You've never been to Disneyland? I'm so sorry. Well when I go next week, for the 10th time this year, I'll hug Mickey for you, k?" Yeah...we go often. And we take pictures with as many characters as possible, every time we go. I mean...can you have too many pictures with Goofy? I think not.

Since my CPA is in the midst of tax season, I was flying solo with the 3 girls. No biggy really, but they're in 3 different stages of Disneyland. Gracie rides nearly all the rides, but too young to let her go alone, Mia rides a lot but still likes the kiddie rides, and Ella is limited to Fantasy land and Moments in Time with Mr. Lincoln. How was I going to manage to keep them all happy? It was impossible really. So I enlisted my friend Jennifer and her two boys, Jacob (15) and Jonah (10) to be my babysitters. We all piled into my car and got to know each other really well. It was actually a pretty uneventful car ride. Dang it! I could have used the material.

But let me tell you a little bit about our trip to the park....

I heart Disneyland!! And so do about 8 million other people...on the exact same day as us! Have you ever tried to push a stroller through Fantasy land while trying to keep your other two from being abducted? If not. It's something everyone should experience. Really. About half the time I wanted to run down anyone who stepped in front of my stroller and cut me off. Ok...it was more like 3/4 of the time. Ok...so you might know me well enough to know that it was pretty much the entire time I was there. But I didn't. Not once! Ok! Ok! ONCE! But it was a total accident. He (Jacob) stopped in front of me, but he couldn't help it. And truth be told, it did more damage to me. I didn't see it coming and the handlebars of that stroller struck me right in the gut. Knocked the wind out of me. Felt like I had been punched in the stomach. I think that was my sign that I needed to chill a little. I don't think I would have been quite as annoyed if I had been stroller-less, but in order to survive all that walking with a little one, the stroller was a necessity. Oh who am I kidding? I would have totally been annoyed no matter what. It's who I am. Embrace it, Kimberly.

Taking a potty trained two year old, who has recently been regressing, to Disneyland can be interesting. You're in constant fear of an accident. Lucky for us, she didn't actually have one, but we came pretty close. Picture this: We were all standing in line for Peter Pan and I kept getting a whiff of something. Naturally, I thought it was someone in front of us and I considered offering them some Gas-X but I didn't have any on me. Left it in my other purse, so, I just tried to breath through my mouth until it passed. Again, another whiff, and I started to ask them where they ate, as to avoid it. Then, another one. I considered it might be Mia (remember she eats a lot of fruit and beans...and is very much going to hate me one day for this), so I quietly ask her and she denied it. Considering she'd own up to it if it was, I believed her. After about the 5th whiff, I asked Ella if she "fluff-fluffed". (NO! I didn't actually say fluff-fluffed but was afraid my mother-n-law would read this and she really hates the word FART.) She said, "No. Yeah! No. I'M POOPIN'! "I was holding her at the time and she started squirming. I know that squirm. Panic started setting in...I said, "NO! STOP! DON'T! I HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE! I HAVE TO GET OUT! LET ME OUT! SHE'S GOING TO POOP HER PANTS! OH MY GOSH!! STOP! DON'T! AAGGGHHHHH!!"(Have I mentioned I'm a little high strung?) We were smack in the middle of the line. No way in. No way out. Toddler about to poop her pants. No change of clothes. Big mess. Big stink. Big tears. My tears. (I didn't think it was appropriate to take my tequila into the park, so my nerves were raw, OK?) I wanted to yell, "UNLESS YOU ENJOY THE SMELL OF $%*#, GET OUT OF MY WAY!!" But, I refrained because I was afraid they would kick me out of Disneyland for the use of such language. I held Ella tight, put my hand on her bum and held it in. That kid was NOT going to poop her pants at Disneyland. I pushed my way through the crowd and bolted for the nearest bathroom. The whole way, my hand was cupped firmly on her bum, ready to push that turtle's head back in if necessary, and telling her to "Wait! Hold it in, sister! Squeeze them cheeks!!" My extensive knowledge of the park grounds came in handy! Whew! We made it. She made it. I made it. Crisis averted.

Sometimes I think there should be some sort of screening process to see if a person is too grumpy to enter Disneyland. (No reference to myself because I'm not grumpy, just high strung.) The next day, after lunch we were standing around waiting for our friends to catch back up with us. Gracie was standing in a very wide, open doorway. It wasn't a big deal because there wasn't anyone coming in or out, so I didn't say anything. I looked down at my phone, for like a second, then looked up to find a GRUMPY, FAT, OLD man with crumbs all over his lips, on a scooter literally 1/2 an inch away from Gracie. I was startled and I said, "Oh, Gracie! Move." She jumped out of the way and said, "Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry!" This Grumpy, fat, old man with crumbs all over his lips was so busy trying to get every last crumb in his fat old lips that he couldn't say excuse me. Not to mention he had plenty of room to go around her. He was seriously going to bump her out of the way! Seriously. Can you even believe that? So, as he started to drive away I said, "You know, Excuse me usually works pretty well when you need someone to move!" He just ignored me and went on. My blood was boiling. What a Jack@$$!! Shortly afterwards, we met up with Jennifer and the boys on Main Street USA and I was telling them about it. Not two minutes later the same grumpy, fat, old man, with NO crumbs on his lips now (because, naturally he got every last one), came flying down the sidewalk on his scooter. Jacob jumped out of his way. It was a near miss! I said (kind of loudly), "WATCH OUT! HE'LL RUN YOU OVER!" And we snickered a little. Then we hear...SCREECH!!!! Oops. He heard me. Grumpy, fat, old man didn't like it. He stopped. Tried to turn around, but he couldn't really because he didn't have enough room between his belly and the handle, so he just turned his head and looked back as far as he could. Then says, "Run you over? Come over here and I'll run you over!" Oh, good one, Gramps! If I did what I wanted to, I would have jumped out, did the little neh-neh-neh-neh-neh dance (sing that ornery little tune when you read that)and said, "Come and get me! Huh? What? You can't?!?! What's that? You're stuck in the scooter? Someone call the fire department and bring the jaws of life! There's a grumpy, fat, old man trapped in his Hover Round at Disneyland! Didn't you get the memo, man? This is the Happiest Place on Earth! There's only room for one Grumpy here! And you, sir, are no Dwarf!" But I didn't. I held my tongue...for the sake of my children. I didn't want them to have to use their souvenir money to bail me out. So, being the ray of sunshine that I am, I giggled and looked away as if I didn't hear him...and he screeched away. If I was a bettin' woman, I'd say he ran someone over before the day was over.

On a trip with the family a few years back, we experienced a mad woman. And by 'mad', I mean CR-AAAAA-ZZZZZZZY {{say that in a high pitched tone with a little tune and turn your finger in circles at your temple}} Her, her husband and big oaf of a son were, judging by their frantic search for seat on the train, obviously in a hurry to get somewhere. When they stood at the wrong entrance gate, and were the last ones on to get on, the woman lost it. She started yelling for her son, who found himself a seat, "KEVIN! KEVIN!! WE'RE GETTING OUT OF HERE! KEVIN!! WHERE ARE YOU?!?! {grunt!} I HATE DISNEY!!" That moment is forever etched in my memory and every time I start to lose it, I remember Kevin's mom. I. Refuse. To be. "Kevin's Mom".

Do I get a little twitchy at Disneyland? Sure. Do I get a little snippy? Uh...maybe. But it still is the Happiest Place on Earth. Now ask me if I'll do it again next year.....

HaPpY mOnDaY?

Mia's teacher is going to fire me. I'm suppose to work in her class on Monday's, but it seems something ALWAYS comes up. Today Gracie left her backpack in Tim's car and he took it to work with him...in Hanford...30 minutes away. So, instead of working in Mia's class, I had to drive to Hanford, without giving the teacher any notice at all. Oh well...stuff happens. Go ahead and fire me. I'd be sad, but I'd recover.

Before I left for Hanford, I had to drop Ella off at the inlaws. And she CRIED. Really? She never cries. In fact, she wants to LIVE there. What-eva, Stinker!

So, then I'm on the highway and suddenly I get these horrible cramps. You know...the kind where you break out in a cold sweat and you think you're either going to pass out or die, and you're hoping for the latter? I got lucky when there was a gas station nearby. Oh, and of course, there were 6-8 old farmer dudes sitting there having their morning coffee, so as I ran, all eyes were on me. Fab. Yeah, dudes, this pretty little girl (yes, I just refered to MYSELF as pretty and little) just stopped here because I was about to poo in my britches*. Good news, though. I made it, and I lived. But before I left the bathroom, I had to decide weather I wanted to just make a run for it, or buy something, to make my stop look legit. So, I got this NASTY, (wait, it deserves two nasty's)...I got this NASTY NASTY breakfast burrito. Total waste of $1.99. And to top it off, I didn't have any cash so I had to use my debit card!

Anyhoo...so I made it there and back with no more incidents. When I got back to the school, I realized I didn't have Gracie's binder. Ugh...but when I tell her, she says, "Oh...it's in my locker...along with all my books." ARE. YOU. KIDDING. ME?!?!?!?! I had to turn and walk out or I was going to do something the teacher would definately have to report and I didn't really want to put her in that position.

So, how's your Monday going?

*Sorry if my post offends you, but DON'T even try to tell me this hasn't happened to you. If you're human and have bowels, it's happened. Don't be ashamed. It happens to everyone.

A Letter From Mia

I was just going through Mia's backpack and I found this letter:

"April 5, 2011
Dear Mom,
I would like to have my own horse. I am not talking like right now. I am talking when I am older. Anyways, please!? It would be really nice. I am begging you. If you say no, I will ask Dad.
Love,
Mia"

Go ahead, Mia. Ask Dad. Let me know how that works out for ya!

Geez, I love that kid!

Ohmigosh! My First Party....

Today my sister-in-law Chantal is having a Vault Denim party and I get to the be the rep and I'm so stinkin' excited!!!! AGGHHHHH!!!!!

Wish me luck! It's my first party! Whoop.

Am I a Bad Mother?

Tell me this...

Does me not giving Mia money to spend at the book fair make me a bad mother? She requested $4 for a "pointer" so she could play school. Um...here's an idea...go break a branch off one of the dozen trees we have in the yard and use that as a pointer!
And books. She thinks I should buy her a book. WHY?!?! We have shelves and shelves full of books in there, AND I just spent at least $50 on books for her when her last book order came home!! I think she's read ONE of them...maybe.
Well, what about an eraser? She NEEDS an eraser. Hey, Mia...if you need an eraser so bad, why don't you go get one out of the closet over there where I have boxes of school supplies that no one has touched.
Apparently it's not fair that I won't give her any money to buy a bunch of junk that I will throw away next week after it's left in the floor and the dog either chews it up or someone steps on it and breaks it. **Sigh**
Oh, my poor, neglected children.

If you agree with Mia and think I'm an unfair or bad mother, then by all means, feel free to turn me in. I could use a break.

Garlic...the Wonder Drug?

Am I boring you, or what? Seems my blog views are going down and it's really hurting my feelings. Whatever. But, since it seems my daily antics aren't enough for you, I thought maybe I'd give you a little useful information. Here it goes....

At the old house we had a bit of a flea problem. I KNOW!! So gross, but don't judge just yet. If you read up on it, it has nothing to do with cleanliness. When spring sprung, so did the flea eggs and those little buggers LOVE Gracie. Apparently, they think she's sweet. Obviously, they've never dealt with her in the morning! Anyway...at one point she was getting bit so bad that her legs were covered in bites and it was gross...and she was miserable. I kept telling her to just hang in there. As soon as they got to know the real Gracie they would pack up and leave, but apparently they loved her unconditionally.

We tried treating the dogs. We tried treating the yard. We tried treating the house. We even tried a flea collar on Gracie for a bit, but those things are such a joke. So I finally asked the doctor about it. She suggest Gracie take garlic pills. Apparently biting bugs don't like garlic. Hum...

So we tried it, and would you believe that within just a couple of days the bites stopped. Now if she gets a bite, we just start the garlic for a week or so, and BAM! They stop. Then I got to thinking...if it works on fleas, and, it's rumored, vampires, what about humans? So I started taking them myself and low and behold, all those late night, annoying bites I was getting from Tim stopped immediately!! Garlic is the wonder drug.

I'm currently experimenting with the dogs by sprinkling garlic powder in their food. I'll let you if it works.

Preschool Paperwork

In the last year we've bought a new house and a new car and I'm pretty sure those two things combined had less paperwork than Ella's preschool registation. Oh my stars and garters!!

Shhhh....it's so Quiet. Just Let Me Enjoy it.

If you're like me, since being a mother, I've lost my ability to interact with other adults. Over the years, it has been my experience that most grown women don't appreciate being talked to like a 2 year old. Word of advice: Don't tell a friend to make sure to wipe good when they're headed to the bathroom. ASSUME they are capable of doing it themselves. It makes for a very akward moment. And licking your finger to take something off a friends face can also be a bit akward. And they don't like to be told to chew with their mouth closed, either. I'm just sayin'...

I'm also very disturbed by the fact that when I get a chance to watch TV for myself, when I'm looking through the guide, I get excited when I see Spongebob or Mickey Mouse Clubhouse is on. Then I realize, um, hello!! HGTV!! At least I usually stop before I hit select. As we speak, I'm home alone and when I turned on the TV, Dora was on. I sat there and watched it for 10 minutes before I realized I could change it. I was completely engrossed in Dora the Explorer. Heaven help me!!

{{Side Note: Have you ever watched some of those kids shows. They are whacked!! Keep a look out for my 'review' of some of them.}}

Right now I should be at Hazel's, having coffee with my friends (aka Hazel's Hotties), but I opted to stay home because Ella is with Grandma, and I'm home...ALONE. I won't have an audience when I take my shower (yeah, I haven't showered yet. Jealous much?). I can use the bathroom without someone banging on the door until I come out. I can write this blog in 1/2 the time I usually do, because I don't have to get up 18 times to do something for someone. A-MAZ-ING.

Oh good gracious. Please don't get all high and mighty on me and say, "You know you're going to miss this when your kids are grown and gone...". Blah blah blah. Give me a break. If you're kids are grown, don't even try to tell me you don't enjoy the quiet. I LOVE babies. And I LOVE my kids. But time alone is nice. I know my parents love me and my kids, too, but I also know after a visit from us, they're exhausted when we leave. Yeah, I might miss these crazy days when they're all grown and gone, but right now, just let me moan and groan about it.

*This is no joke...I was just flipping through the guide on the TV and when I saw Tom and Jerry (one of Ella's faves) was on, I stopped and started to select it. Ugh....I quickly moved on to E! and 15 Unforgettable Hollywood Tragedies.

"GASP! Do I Have to Stay Overnight, Doctor?"

If you're a mom, don't even try to tell me that you don't just want a quiet night away, because if you did, then I'd call you a LI-AR!! A night, alone, doing absolutely nothing, except laying in bed, watching TV and having people taking care of you and have only your best interest at heart. OMG...just admit it!!

I was just watching an episode of "Good Luck Charlie" on the Disney Channel (yeah, the kids were there, too, but I would watch it alone. It's funny! Don't judge me.) and the mom came home from work and everyone just bombarded her. She was about to lose it so she picked up little Charlie (the only one who "wasn't annoying" her) and took her to the other room to play. Charlie accidently poked her in the eye and she went to the ER, where she blackmailed the doctor into keeping her over night. Bawahahahahaha!!!! That woman is my hero!!

I always "enjoy" my hospital stays because I know the second I get home all hell will break loose. I've dreamed of opening a resort called "The Hospital", just for mom's. The care and relaxation of the hospital, but without all the annoying bells, scary code blues, and bad hospital food. And maybe, with the right licensing, we could throw in an IV full of the good stuff (for a fee, of course). Think about it...Sounds amazing, right? I know you're totally planning your trip as we speak. Don't lie. It's not becoming.

A Little Random Sunday

Seriously, my kids are funnier than your kids. All three of my girls are pretty stinkin' funny, but Ella...oh my stars and garters* that kid is funny!!

The other day she was in the car with my mother-in-law and they pulled up next to a driver that was wearing, what I think is called a turban, (please excuse me if I'm being politically incorrect). Anyhoo...Ella looked over, saw him and said,
"Look, Grandma! There's a genie driving that car!"
(GASP!)

I could probably write a book about all the funny stuff that little turd says. Stay tuned for a link to youtube where you can watch all the amazingly hilarious videos of my girls.

Today my liittle precious has a horrible cough. Probably because my mother-in-law let her play in the water the other day. (Just kidding, Lena!) But, she was coughing all night and a lot today. I gave her some "honey elixir" and it seems to have worked, because she's sleepin' like a baby now. Ok! Ok! So we added a little wiskey to it. Just like my mama use to make! Aw heck...I'm just kidding. She's not sleeping....AND we didn't add any wiskey. Calm down...geez.

Happy Sunday!!

*"Oh, my stars and garters" is something my mom use to say all the time and I rediscovered it recently. I've since decided to say it all the time. Thanks, Mom!

P.S. Could you please comment, or at the very least check a stinkin' box, on my posts so I can feel the love. PLEASE?!?!?! Oh, and don't forget to share me with your friends. Thanks, loves.

A Yard Sale? Alone?

If you didn't already know, we moved into a new house about 6 months ago. Well, it's new to us. {{Sidebar: If you read back, far into my archives, there is a post about house hunting and the "pot house". FYI: No...This isn't the pot house.}} It was built in 1987, so what's that tell ya? Oak, Oak everywhere!! But the floor plan is perfect for our family of 5 and I love it...except for the oak. I hate oak. I take that back...I don't HATE it. I love it...I love to PAINT it, much to the dismay of my oak loving father-in-law. (Hum...I'm pretty sure all that has nothing to do with what I'm about to say...)

Anyhoo...today's dilemma is tables. Side tables. Sofa tables. Desks. Buffets. Anything. I need them and I don't want to go buy new ones, because, I mean, seriously, BOR-RING. I want some old ones that I can paint. I got 2 from my parents. I called the in-laws looking for their old oak tables but they don't know what they did with them. Now there's only one option left. GASP! A Yard Sale.

Is it weird that I have a huge fear of yard sales? No...really. This is absolute seriousness here. Just today I drove by several and saw a couple things that I might like, but I just kept driving because I nearly had an anxiety attack thinking about getting out and walking up there. I'm trying to put my finger on exactly what the problem is. Is it because I think I'm too good to buy other people's used junk? Am I that shallow? OMGee...I think I am!!! I can just picture myself walking up and saying, "Just so you know, I'm just looking for a table that I can paint because I'm totally into the shabby chic look, you know, because I can totally afford to buy new stuff." How sick is that? I need help.

So, I'm considering takin' my best friend Xanax for a little trip to a few yard sales. At least then, I won't be alone. Strength in pairs, right?

My Style...or Lack There Of

So yesterday I posted about that particular woman's lack of fashion sense, but the truth is...I have little of my own. And that goes for everything from dressing me to decorating my house and now my blog. I know what I like and I have good taste (at least I think I do...), but I have NO CLUE how to put things together.

When it comes to dressing me, I manage...I manage to get on a black tee and a pair of jeans (and usually flip flops). Lucky for me, I live in California and there are only a few days a year I have to substitute my flip flops for Uggs. And being a stay at home mom, there aren't too many occasions that require more than that. But there are those few functions that call for a little something more. In those cases, I have to call in my reinforcements (Kelley or Jennifer) to dress me. And those occasions ALWAYS require a shopping trip...usually to Target (or maybe Kohl's if I'm up for a challenge), but a shopping trip none the less.

Despite my lack of fashion sense, I do know there are a few rules that EVERYONE should follow.
1. Don't wear a shirt that is tight around your muffin top.
2. Don't wear jeans that are tight around your muffin top.
3. Always cover the muffin top because muffin tops are NOT attractive.
4. You can usually dress up a pair of jeans with a nice top and heels. Key word there being "USUALLY" and not "ALWAYS".
5. If your legs are jiggle, PLEASE don't wear short shorts. PLEASE! We're all begging you. Even if they're skinny...and for heaven sakes, stay away from miniskirts!
6. Don't wear shoes you can't walk in. You look like an idiot. (I must admit I'm guilty of this...but after falling twice in one night, and, no, alcohol WASN'T involved, I've learned my lesson.)
7. Sweater dresses are not for everyone.
8. Beanies and those headband things are also not for everyone.
9. You can wear a cute leather (or, in my case, 'pleather') jacket with just about anything.
10. Just because you can wear your daughter's clothes, doesn't mean you should.

Am I right, or am I right?

If you're not a fan of my t-shirt and jeans look, then feel free to secretly photograph me and send me in to "What Not to Wear". I'd be happy to take trip to NYC and spend $5000 of TLC's money. I'm sure that much would go A LONG WAY at Target.

Now my house? That's a job for HGTV. And something we're working. No seriously. We're working on a video to send in to HGTV...I'll post it when we're done and it's going to be so amazing, they won't be able to turn us down.

Ugh...my blog. It is so dorky and lame right now. It's a good thing I'm so flippin' funny. The look is a work in progress and as soon as I figure out how to make it cute, I guarantee, it's gonna knock you're stinkin' socks off. I promise. Hum...I wonder if they sell blog layouts at Target....

P.S. Do you have any idea how hard it is to try and write on a Saturday morning while all three girls are home? I swear, if I hear "MOM!!!" one more time I'm going to lose it and I'll be posting from the looney bin!! Surely they have Wi-Fi.....

Yeah...She Did.

No, seriously...I didn't doctor this picture. This isn't some cruel April Fool's joke. This is real life, people. This woman, whom I assumed is a teacher (but not from our school, because all our teachers are freakin' adorable!), was dressed like this at the pioneer village yesterday.

So, how many things can you see wrong with this picture (besides the fact that I actually took it to begin with)? I'll list a few...

1. I'm guessing her laundry was all dirty and she had to borrow her daughter's, who is a size 6x, shirt.
2. Um...skinny jeans AREN'T for everyone.
3. And I thought my flip flops were inappropriate for a day of walking....

**I'm really enjoying this post and it may become a regular thing. So, you might want to make sure you take a good look in the mirror before you leave the house and you're happy with what you're wearing, because you just might find yourself on my blog, baby. Yep!