Sunday, January 31, 2010

Facebook: the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

I LOVE facebook. I think it's so fun and it's been so great to reconnect with people from the past and catch up with them daily with status updates. I love to update my status several times a day (ok, so I need therapy) and then run into someone at Target (because in Tulare, you see EVERYONE at Target), and them say, "You crack me up! I love your posts!" (Ok...so I like the attention! Sue me.) Facebook posts were actually the inspiration for this blog. My point is...I love almost everything about facebook...

Now, let me tell you what I don't love.
First of all, I hate that I'm addicted to the stupid game "fishville". Seriously...fishville?!?!? Something is wrong with that. Every time I get on facebook to "check in" I end up spending 45 minutes checking my virtual fish and cleaning my virtual tank and visiting my virtual neighbors and cleaning their virtual tanks. It's stupid. And one of these days I'm going to stop it...as soon as I reach the highest level and obtain every award I can.
Second, I hate obscure posts. The ones that seem to pop up everyday since the whole bra color one. OMGee...seriously. I'm sorry, but that got completely out of control. The bra color one had a "purpose" but what did the hair style one or the fine one have to do with anything? Ridiculous. I don't care if you racked up $1000 doing "stuff" (my fine was $35, by the way). Oh, and the one about your birthday where you used a different word or phrase for every part of your birthday and it made these super crazy statements, like "I knocked out a ninja at the post office because my husband is a CPA." The funniest one I read was a guy who, I'm assuming was irritated by all the women's posts, used pretty much every part of that message and wrote out this long post that made no sense at all, but it was hilarious!!! Thanks Michael B. for the laugh...because I pretty much thought everyone Else's was just silly (No offense, people. Ok...maybe a little). But I do know they were all done in fun...so I'll let 'em slide.
Next on the facebook pet peeve list is the status updates that tell pretty much what you've done all day long or what your plans are. The ones that really get me go something like this, "this morning I woke up and worked out for 2 hours, then ran 20 miles, cleaned the entire house, washed the car, got all showered and ready, made an amazingly healthy breakfast for the family and it's only 6am! Time to wake the kids..." Please...those post will be subject of another blog post one day. Wait for it. And I swear, 90% of the status updates I read say something about "Going for a run," or "Just got home from the gym! Great workout!". Oh...what about the ones that say, "I love my kids!" I laugh at those because you know that was written at a moment when they were trying really hard to not kill their kids. They were just trying to reassure themselves and convince everyone else. Guess what...we know you love your kids, but tell us how you really feel. One thing someone said to me about my posts is that I always write what everyone else is thinking, but afraid to say out loud. Reality check, people. Life isn't perfect, and everyone knows it.
Lastly...Inappropriate pictures. COME ON!! This is a family show people!! You go through their albums and the first one is labeled, "My Angels" and it's sweet pictures of their kids and animals, then the very next album is labeled "PAR-TAY" and it's nothing but pictures of them at a bar or in some one's backyard, wasted and touching each other inappropriately. I've actually "un-friended" people because of this. Um...yeah. True story. I don't know...call me prude, but ICK! Grow up! Go to church! Do something besides post stupid pictures of yourself.

Whew! Ok...I'm done with my rant. Off to update my status...and check my fish...

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Battle of the Binky

Ella has a binky. I know! I know! She's 3. She's too old for a stinkin' binky. Tell me something I don't know!! Literally everyday I say to Tim, "We really need to get rid of that binky." And he says, "You say that everyday." Thanks for the insight,honey. I know we do, but she just loves it so much...and she's just so cute and sweet when she has it. She's my sweet little precious baby {{she said in her baby talk voice}}. She only has it at nap and bedtime. She's a tiny little thing so that's my excuse for letting her keep it. I rationalize it with, "Oh, she's so tiny and she just loves it so much. It's so comforting to her. And it's not ruining her teeth that much. It's nothing a very skilled orthodontist can't fix, for several thousand dollars." And we have made some strides with it...she use to have three she slept with. One in her mouth and one in each hand. Then we lost one, so it was one in the mouth, one in one hand. And recently was our biggest stride...we actually made the decision to only let her have one. Our hope was that it would be the one she held in her hand, but no such luck.

It's hard to let it go for so many reasons. The ones I mentioned before, and the fact that she shares a room with Mia. Poor Mia...having to sleep in the same room with her while she adjusts to no binky. How could I put her through that. There is also the whole, "there have been so many changes lately". Potty training. Moving from crib to big bed. Own room to sharing a room. Trips. Trying to sell the house...the reasons are endless...

Anyway...One morning, Tim, Ella and I were laying in bed (yeah, she was in our bed, but only because Mia had a sleepover and they were...on the air mattress in the living room. I know. I didn't have an excuse...) and he tried to take it out of her mouth. She quickly covered her mouth with both hands and said, "No...leave my binky alone!" He said (in a very sweet, fatherly manner), "We're going to have to find you a white binky with pretty flowers on it for your wedding night." Because, yeah, I think that's where we're headed.

Friday, January 29, 2010

Am I speaking another language?

I haven't seen my high school transcripts in a while, but I'm fairly certain my Spanish grades aren't all that impressive. Could it be that once I had children I started speaking some strange language that only adults understand? There has to be some explaination as to why my kids don't understand or hear me...right? Surely they're just not listening {{GASP!}} ! Not my precious little angels!

Apparently mornings and late evenings are when my accent is the strongest. This morning while I was fixing Mia's hair I told Gracie...oh, I'd say AT LEAST 5 times...to put on her shoes. Yet, she completely ignored me and continued to play with Ella. When I was done with Mia, I called her over...her and her bare feet. Frustrated, I did her hair (because she has very difficult hair and hasn't mastered it herself, ok?) and then told her calmly (well, maybe not so calmly) to GET HER SHOES ON. She rolled her eyes and responded, "My shoes are slip ons! Geez!" Deep breaths, Kimberly. Deep breaths. Count to 10...better yet...count to 100. Breathe. Breathe. I quickly get Ella dressed and get her strapped in the car and tell Mia to head to the car, too and get her jacket on. Meanwhile, Gracie decides she doesn't want to wear those shoes, she wants to wear a pair of mine...which, naturally, she can't find. Ok...this house isn't that messy or that big. In fact, it's pretty clean and tiny! It shouldn't be that hard to find a pair of shoes! It's not like they were Barbie shoes lost in shag carpet!! There are only a few places they could be. She runs around like a maniac looking for them and can't find them anywhere. Anywhere? Really? Ok...so I admit, while I was picking up the other day, I might have picked them up and put them in my closet, but um...they're mine! (And honestly, I didn't remember doing it. So sue me.) The child spends 5 minutes looking for the dang shoes all the while passing over several different viable other options or bothering to look in my closet, where my shoes might be. I start looking and guess what! I found them in about 10 seconds. Meanwhile, it's 8:04am and the bell rings at 8:10am--and we live 10 minutes away (when I drive the speed limit). You do the math.

Finally, I get in the car to wait for her (who is still shoving papers in her backpack, which should have been done last night, and of course, dropping index cards that scatter everywhere). When I get in the car, where Ella and Mia have been waiting patiently, I find Mia sitting there, shivering...with no jacket on. She says, "I'm ffffrrrrrreeeeezing!!!" I took a deep breath and said (ok, I yelled it), "PUT YOUR JACKET ON!! I TOLD YOU TO PUT YOUR JACKET ON WHEN YOU GOT IN THE CAR!!! DOES ANYONE SPEAK ENGLISH AROUND HERE?!?!?!? AAGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!" Guess what. She put her jacket on, but not before she said, "Geez! You don't have to yell!"
But, apparently I do have to yell, because they just don't seem to hear or understand me. Why? Why? Why must I repeat myself several times? Why must I resort to yelling? Why? WHY?!?!?! Someone please tell me why!!!!!

I think I'll experiment today. When I pick them up from school I'm only going to speak in some weird language and see if they understand it. I once heard a story about someone going through a drive-thru and having to repeat their order several times until they finally mumbled it...and they got it. I bet it works...that or they'll give me that same look...you all know the look. The "OMGee, Mom you are so stupid," look.

Oh, yeah...I think they made it to class before the tardy bell at 8:15am. But only because I was a race car driver in my past life.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Bedtime Woes

Ok...I was honestly wondering what the penalty is for parents who strap their kids in their beds. I was going to do an internet search, but didn't have time because Ella WOULD NOT go to bed last night. She wouldn't stay in her bed and evertime I caught her coming out of her room she would scream and cry, nearly waking the dead!! I don't know how Mia slept through it. But seriously, at some point, I considered tieing her up. Not for long...just until she went to sleep. Do you think there's a big penalty for that? Because if it happens again tonight...I'm not sure I can resist the temptation. But...I have my defense all planned: "It was for her own good, really, your Honor. She's been so sick and not sleeping well and it was obvious she was exhausted. I knew if she was just still for a few minutes she'd be out like a light. I did my best to make sure the ropes left no marks on her. Are you a Stay at Home Mom, Sir? Have you ever stayed cooped up in your house for days on end with sick kids who are crabby and hysterical crying one second and then bouncing off the walls because their medicine kicked in the next? Have you ever experienced that, Sir? Well when you do, I'd love for you to come back and tell me you wouldn't at least consider doing the same thing."

In addition to being up late last night, she had several nightmares and woke up crying numerous times. Poor baby. I feel for her, because obviously I'm experiencing the same thing, while Tim snores like a buzz saw next to me. Ella started sleeping through the night at 6 weeks old, and until she turned 2, I could count on one hand the number of times I had been up at night with her. She's an amazing sleeper, so I would guess this bedtime interruption has to be hard on her, too. I'm sure that in time, she would thank me for making sure she got a good night's sleep in her own bed, don'tcha think?

Tonight, I'm hoping a little shot of tequila will make things go just a little smoother. And I might have one, too. And I'm getting the tie-downs out of the toolbox just in case.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Road Rage

Today's pet peeve: Other drivers. I think I might possibly have a little road rage. But it's not my fault...really. It's the other idiot drivers on the road, or even worse...the parking lot! Picture me sitting here rolling my eyes and clinching my teeth just thinking about the dip**--I mean people I encountered today...in the same small parking lot. Not to mention the people on the road. This morning in the parking lot at the donut shop, I was trying to back out and this woman was waiting for my space. Why? I don't know...there were like 4 other spots right there, but she waited none the less. However, she waited in a spot that made it impossible for me to get out easily. I had to pull way out behind me and then wait for her to pull into my spot before I could head out of the parking lot. I was in a hurry and she caused me to waste a good 10 seconds or so, and when you're in a hurry...those 10 seconds might as well be 10 minutes, right!?! Yeah, I called her a few colorful names...ones that I'm sure I'll be posting about later when Ella uses them. Later this this afternoon I was dropping Mia off at dance, in the same parking lot, and it was pretty full. There would have been an extra space if it weren't for this pick-up double parked right in front of the dance studio. There was no place for me to go, so I just pulled up behind it and let Mia out. While I was sitting there (for a whole 2 seconds, didn't even put the car in park) they decided they wanted to back out and when I didn't move the second the put their car in reverse, they start glaring at me and shrugging their shoulders like, "aren't you going to move?!?!" Oh, excuse me, {{enter colorful name of your choice}}, you're the {{enter another colorful name of your choice}} that double parked in the first place, making it impossible for me to park! So, there for, {{enter the first colorful name}}, you can wait!!

And why is it, everytime I'm in a hurry I get stuck behind the people driving 45 in a 55 AND hit every red light? Where are the cops when you need them? I mean, hello!! It's totally a hazzard to drive slow like that!! Especially when you have people like me trying to get somewhere.

Oh...and don't even get me started on the people that ride your butt because you're behind someone who's super slow. I don't care how irritated I am with someone...I WILL NOT ride their butt. I won't. I hate it and, um, hello!! What if they stop suddenly? DUH! And it's always a little car...usually a little Honda or Nissan, right? I want to put a sign in my back window that says "HEY! I'm in a hurry too so back off {{enter colorful name of your choice}}!"

Great...I'm all worked up now. Tim!! Where's the tequila?!?!