Disneyland...Is it REALLY the Happiest Place on Earth?

In honor of our upcoming trip to Disneyland next week, I thought I would repost something I wrote about one of our last trips to Disneyland. It's from Feb 2010. And don't worry...I'm sure this next trip will be full of blog worthy material...however I may have to change some names to protect the innocent and block out faces in all the pics I take, to avoid lawsuits. Anyway...enjoy. Enjoy!


For those of you who don't know, this past week was the World Ag Expo here in Tulare. What you might not know is that my kids were also out of school, because of the World Ag Expo. Yeah. They were. Yay US! So, I decided, Hey! It's vacation! Let's do something fun...like go to Disneyland!!
Announcer: "Kimberly Dodson, your kids are out of school for the week! What are you going to do next?" Me: "We're going to Disneyland!!"

Yes, we just went to Disneyland in January. So what. That's what us people in the central valley do. We go to Disneyland...A LOT. I think it's so we can rub it in our Midwestern friends faces. "Oh...You've never been to Disneyland? I'm so sorry. Well when I go next week, for the 10th time this year, I'll hug Mickey for you, k?" Yeah...we go often. And we take pictures with as many characters as possible, every time we go. I mean...can you have too many pictures with Goofy? I think not.

Since my CPA is in the midst of tax season, I was flying solo with the 3 girls. No biggy really, but they're in 3 different stages of Disneyland. Gracie rides nearly all the rides, but too young to let her go alone, Mia rides a lot but still likes the kiddie rides, and Ella is limited to Fantasy land and Moments in Time with Mr. Lincoln. How was I going to manage to keep them all happy? It was impossible really. So I enlisted my friend Jennifer and her two boys, Jacob (15) and Jonah (10) to be my babysitters. We all piled into my car and got to know each other really well. It was actually a pretty uneventful car ride. Dang it! I could have used the material.

But let me tell you a little bit about our trip to the park....

I heart Disneyland!! And so do about 8 million other people...on the exact same day as us! Have you ever tried to push a stroller through Fantasy land while trying to keep your other two from being abducted? If not. It's something everyone should experience. Really. About half the time I wanted to run down anyone who stepped in front of my stroller and cut me off. Ok...it was more like 3/4 of the time. Ok...so you might know me well enough to know that it was pretty much the entire time I was there. But I didn't. Not once! Ok! Ok! ONCE! But it was a total accident. He (Jacob) stopped in front of me, but he couldn't help it. And truth be told, it did more damage to me. I didn't see it coming and the handlebars of that stroller struck me right in the gut. Knocked the wind out of me. Felt like I had been punched in the stomach. I think that was my sign that I needed to chill a little. I don't think I would have been quite as annoyed if I had been stroller-less, but in order to survive all that walking with a little one, the stroller was a necessity. Oh who am I kidding? I would have totally been annoyed no matter what. It's who I am. Embrace it, Kimberly.

Taking a potty trained two year old, who has recently been regressing, to Disneyland can be interesting. You're in constant fear of an accident. Lucky for us, she didn't actually have one, but we came pretty close. Picture this: We were all standing in line for Peter Pan and I kept getting a whiff of something. Naturally, I thought it was someone in front of us and I considered offering them some Gas-X but I didn't have any on me. Left it in my other purse, so, I just tried to breath through my mouth until it passed. Again, another whiff, and I started to ask them where they ate, as to avoid it. Then, another one. I considered it might be Mia (remember she eats a lot of fruit and beans...and is very much going to hate me one day for this), so I quietly ask her and she denied it. Considering she'd own up to it if it was, I believed her. After about the 5th whiff, I asked Ella if she "fluff-fluffed". (NO! I didn't actually say fluff-fluffed but was afraid my mother-n-law would read this and she really hates the word FART.) She said, "No. Yeah! No. I'M POOPIN'! "I was holding her at the time and she started squirming. I know that squirm. Panic started setting in...I said, "NO! STOP! DON'T! I HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE! I HAVE TO GET OUT! LET ME OUT! SHE'S GOING TO POOP HER PANTS! OH MY GOSH!! STOP! DON'T! AAGGGHHHHH!!"(Have I mentioned I'm a little high strung?) We were smack in the middle of the line. No way in. No way out. Toddler about to poop her pants. No change of clothes. Big mess. Big stink. Big tears. My tears. (I didn't think it was appropriate to take my tequila into the park, so my nerves were raw, OK?) I wanted to yell, "UNLESS YOU ENJOY THE SMELL OF $%*#, GET OUT OF MY WAY!!" But, I refrained because I was afraid they would kick me out of Disneyland for the use of such language. I held Ella tight, put my hand on her bum and held it in. That kid was NOT going to poop her pants at Disneyland. I pushed my way through the crowd and bolted for the nearest bathroom. The whole way, my hand was cupped firmly on her bum, ready to push that turtle's head back in if necessary, and telling her to "Wait! Hold it in, sister! Squeeze them cheeks!!" My extensive knowledge of the park grounds came in handy! Whew! We made it. She made it. I made it. Crisis averted.

Sometimes I think there should be some sort of screening process to see if a person is too grumpy to enter Disneyland. (No reference to myself because I'm not grumpy, just high strung.) The next day, after lunch we were standing around waiting for our friends to catch back up with us. Gracie was standing in a very wide, open doorway. It wasn't a big deal because there wasn't anyone coming in or out, so I didn't say anything. I looked down at my phone, for like a second, then looked up to find a GRUMPY, FAT, OLD man with crumbs all over his lips, on a scooter literally 1/2 an inch away from Gracie. I was startled and I said, "Oh, Gracie! Move." She jumped out of the way and said, "Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry!" This Grumpy, fat, old man with crumbs all over his lips was so busy trying to get every last crumb in his fat old lips that he couldn't say excuse me. Not to mention he had plenty of room to go around her. He was seriously going to bump her out of the way! Seriously. Can you even believe that? So, as he started to drive away I said, "You know, Excuse me usually works pretty well when you need someone to move!" He just ignored me and went on. My blood was boiling. What a Jack@$$!! Shortly afterwards, we met up with Jennifer and the boys on Main Street USA and I was telling them about it. Not two minutes later the same grumpy, fat, old man, with NO crumbs on his lips now (because, naturally he got every last one), came flying down the sidewalk on his scooter. Jacob jumped out of his way. It was a near miss! I said (kind of loudly), "WATCH OUT! HE'LL RUN YOU OVER!" And we snickered a little. Then we hear...SCREECH!!!! Oops. He heard me. Grumpy, fat, old man didn't like it. He stopped. Tried to turn around, but he couldn't really because he didn't have enough room between his belly and the handle, so he just turned his head and looked back as far as he could. Then says, "Run you over? Come over here and I'll run you over!" Oh, good one, Gramps! If I did what I wanted to, I would have jumped out, did the little neh-neh-neh-neh-neh dance (sing that ornery little tune when you read that)and said, "Come and get me! Huh? What? You can't?!?! What's that? You're stuck in the scooter? Someone call the fire department and bring the jaws of life! There's a grumpy, fat, old man trapped in his Hover Round at Disneyland! Didn't you get the memo, man? This is the Happiest Place on Earth! There's only room for one Grumpy here! And you, sir, are no Dwarf!" But I didn't. I held my tongue...for the sake of my children. I didn't want them to have to use their souvenir money to bail me out. So, being the ray of sunshine that I am, I giggled and looked away as if I didn't hear him...and he screeched away. If I was a bettin' woman, I'd say he ran someone over before the day was over.

On a trip with the family a few years back, we experienced a mad woman. And by 'mad', I mean CR-AAAAA-ZZZZZZZY {{say that in a high pitched tone with a little tune and turn your finger in circles at your temple}} Her, her husband and big oaf of a son were, judging by their frantic search for seat on the train, obviously in a hurry to get somewhere. When they stood at the wrong entrance gate, and were the last ones on to get on, the woman lost it. She started yelling for her son, who found himself a seat, "KEVIN! KEVIN!! WE'RE GETTING OUT OF HERE! KEVIN!! WHERE ARE YOU?!?! {grunt!} I HATE DISNEY!!" That moment is forever etched in my memory and every time I start to lose it, I remember Kevin's mom. I. Refuse. To be. "Kevin's Mom".

Do I get a little twitchy at Disneyland? Sure. Do I get a little snippy? Uh...maybe. But it still is the Happiest Place on Earth. Now ask me if I'll do it again next year.....