Ugh...I Feel Like a Woman

**CAUTION: This post is about female stuff. Don't read if you blush easily.**

Have you ever heard a woman say that she loves her period? That it makes her feel so feminine? I'm not even kidding when I say that I read that somewhere. I think it was in a magazine or maybe some funky girly website I was on. {{Those websites are stupid, by the way!}}

But really, does your period make you feel like a woman? I suppose it does me, if a woman feels like a big fat pig that knows they're headed into slaughter and gonna be served up on some fat man's breakfast plate. Yum, bacon...oh, sorry...I lost focus for a sec.

Since I'm currently feeling pretty icky right now, I'm going to give you a run down of my "symptoms" and let me know if they're the same for you:

1. I bloat. From head to toe. Jeans I wore last week are too tight...even around my ankles, and I have skinny ankles!

2. I hurt. My head hurts. My stomach hurts. My back hurts. My legs hurt. Seriously...It's not just the usual headache/cramps with me. It literally goes down to my knees and I think it's stupid.

3. I'm mean and snippy (I would have said bitchy, but I don't want to offend anyone. Oops!). How is this different from every other day, you ask? Well...on a regular day, I'm nice until I lose my patience. During PMS, I have no patience. Zip. Zilch. Nada. And I admit...it can get a little scary. I always end up apologizing afterwards. It ain't pretty, people. It's ain't pretty at all.

4. I'm tired. I want to sleep, sleep, sleep, and sleep some more. I feel like I took a Xanax and never got the chance to sleep it off. If I'm still for more than 30 seconds, I'm out. You should see me trying to climb the stairs. On any other day, I run up and down them. During PMS, I'm either hanging onto the banister or I'm crawling up.

5. I'm in a constant fog. I often wonder how I got from one place to the next. No, that's not scary at all.

6. I eat everything in sight...which might have something to do with last weeks jeans not fitting. But I'm serious...I'm a big eater anyway, but there is no stopping me when I have PMS. And all I want is stuff that makes me even more bloated than I already am. Forget pig...more like hippo.

7. I want to curl up in a ball and beg Jesus to take me home.

I mean, what girl wants that? It's wrong and it's mean. Mean of God to punish all us women for something Eve did. And she wouldn't have done it if it weren't for that stupid serpent! It was that stupid serpent's fault!! I bet it was a male serpent. Can I get an amen?

I know that if I didn't have all those lovely symptoms, I wouldn't have my three beautiful girls, blah blah blah. But, here's the thing with that...I HAVE THREE GIRLS. That means there are FOUR OF ME living in this house with only one Tim. Two of the three aren't quite there yet, but one is and holy crap. Without going into too much into detail, let me just say this...keep Tim in your prayers. He's gonna need 'em.