FDA: Facebook Displays of Affection

First of all...I must apologize for my long hiatus. My sister sent me a text a couple weeks ago that said, "your blog is dead to me". Oops. I've been busy and not motivated, until, yesterday...when I was standing in the lobby at Encore Theatre and someone...someone I didn't know...said to me, "do you write a blog?" Ohmigosh!! I'd just been recognized in public!! And to sweeten the pot even more...SHE LIKED IT!! She said...and I quote..."You are frickin' hilarious!" After the week I'd had, I so very much needed that! So, thank you....You...who's name I didn't bother to get. This blog's for you.

The other day I vowed that my next post would be about the lovey, dovey, mushy, gushy couples on face book. So, here we go...

Lovey, dovey, mush, gush, gag! OK. OK. Let me make myself clear. I think it's great that you love each other and want everyone to know. I, personally, prefer to let my 'luva' (haha! Luva...my new nickname for Tim) know in the privacy of our own home.

I'm not a fan of PDA. I do remember those days when we could hardly keep our hands off each other, but at some point you grow out of that, right? I mean, most people learn, with age, how to control their hormones while in public. When you're young and in lust, it's one thing...but when you're mature and have children, it needs to stop. If that was your kid and their boyfriend/girlfriend would you be ok with it? I think not, unless you're sick and twisted. It's just like anything else...we must set an example. Oh, here's an idea! If you feel you MUST constantly show your love for your spouse, do something kind for them, like take out the trash without being nagged, or put the kids to bed without being nagged, or pick up your laundry without being nagged, or don't make disgusting noises at the dinner table, or do something about your snoring so that we might get a good night's sleep. Or maybe not call every single time you see the debit card has been used...let a little (or sometimes medium, ok, big) spending spree at Target slide once in a while. It's not like I'm at Sax Fifth Avenue or anything. Geez. It's the little, unspoken things that get me all reved up.

I don't need you hanging all over me and grabbin' my boooooooo...ty for everyone to see. I don't need fancy rings or things...Just give me cash and I'll be happy...(hey I think I just came up with country music's newest hit)! No, but seriously...I don't need to SEE your love for each other and nor do my kids, thank you very much. It makes me barf...

Just like as I don't want to see it, nor, do I care to read about it...FDA (aka Face book Displays of Affection) it's just weird. Seriously? You're married. Chances are you're sharing the couch and the bed and sometimes even the same spit! Oh, and if you have a family plan, then you share the same cell phone bill, too. Send a text, it's gotta be easier than going into face book, finding their profile and then posting on their wall for all to read, (and baby barf). "Oh, I love you so much. You light up my life. You give me hope to carry on. You light up my days, and fill my nights...with..." With what? You know what? I DON'T CARE! But I do wonder why? Why must you do this? Are you trying to prove to everyone that you still love each other? Are you being suspected of cheating and trying to throw everyone off by making mushy comments on your spouses wall? I just don't understand why you have to publicly tell your spouse how they make certain body parts tingle more than others. I'm glad you think you're wife is hot, or yummy, or so beautiful the way her eyes dance in the candle light (gagging right now). As long as she knows, and your kids are aware you still love each other, then who the heck else cares? NOT ME!!!

Hey! Guess what? Tim still thinks I'm H-O-T, baby. That's right. He does...and the only reason I'm telling you this is because I want you to know, that I know, that I'm loved, just the way I am. Rolls, wrinkles and all. And I don't need him to announce on public radio or national television or take out an ad on Craig's List, that he thinks so. He can just tell me. Or kiss me on the forehead. Or give me a big bear hug when he comes home from work. All things that remind ME and OUR kids, and no one else, how much he loves me and is still attracted to me.

I'd like to think of this blog post as an advice column. If you're a serial PDA'er or FDA'er, take the knowledge you have obtained here and apply it to your life and maybe, just maybe, you can spare the lives of some of your friends, from drowning in your mushiness.

**Hope there aren't too many typos, but I was trying to type this with Ella home...which is NEVER a good idea. NEVER. But dang, she's cute!**