The Painted Lily

**WARNING: This blog contains material that may be disturbing to some readers, especially men and young girls. Parental and spousal discretion is advised.**

Saturday I got the chance to get away with a group of ladies from church. We went to Cambria for the day and it was FANTASTICALLY FABULOUS!! It was a much needed day away for this mama.

I know what you're thinking..."Fun...with the ladies from church?" Um...yeah. FUN, FUN, FUN!!!

First of all...I've lived in this area forever. I've gone to just about every beach on the central coast, but I've never been to Cambria. Why? Why have I never been to that wonderful place?!?!? It's so stinkin' cute! All the cute shops and yummy...yummy...yummy food. Linn's black bottom cupcake is A-MAZZZ-ING!!! Moonstone Beach? Soooo cool. However...there are loads and loads of art galleries.

Art galleries. Boring. Except for this one we passed, called "The Painted Lily". The Painted Lily? I don't know...maybe it's just my dirty mind working overtime, but it sounded like something someone would call their, um.....lady...um...parts. Think about it. Doesn't it?!?! I couldn't help but laugh when we drove by and of course, had to open my big mouth and announce that I thought it sounded, um...funny. Then of course, that comment led to a conversation about....hold on to your hats, people....Vajazzling. No, not bedazzling. VAJAZZLING.

What is Vajazzling, you ask? Are you sure you want to know? Do I really have to tell you? Come on. Dissect the word...VA-Jazzling...VA....and then add some Jazzle to it...Interesting, eh?

One of the 'ladies' (I use that term loosely, hahahahaha!) in the car was talking about a home party where there was boutique clothes, jewelry, etc, spray tan and....vajazzling. For the record, she didn't go, she was just invited. (However, she never said she wouldn't have gone if she didn't have to take her kids to baseball practice.) But can you imagine? "Look at that adorable mini dress!! I could totally wear that, after I get my spray tan and a little vajazzling. You know, just in case the wind catches my dress just right!" Who needs pretty, lacy panties anymore? Just get VAJAZZLED!!

Who does that? I don't mean who, as in what type of person would bedazzle their vajayjay. I mean, who, as in who in the world would want to bedazzle someone else's hoo-haa? Do you have to take classes for that? Does it require a certificate? Who teaches the class? Who came up with such a thing? Doesn't it hurt to sit?  How long does it last? Why are we even discussing this? WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!?!?!

I must admit, the idea is a tad more appealing than a tattoo and a lot less painful and permenant. And it's just done with glue, so it's not like a piercing. {{Wait...take a second to imagine that...OMGee...}} But why? Why would you want to do that? I just don't see the point. Then I mentioned it to Tim. Not exactly sure what sounded so appealing about it to him, but next thing I know, he's online trying to figure out how he can get certified to do it. Oh, calm it down. Calm. It. Down. I'm kidding.

Anyhoo-haa, it was a  SUPER GREAT day. Full of lots and lots of laughs. I learned several things about these women that I never knew, and probably some things I didn't need to. (Of course, I didn't divulge any information about myself that they didn't need to know, because you all know how tight lipped I am.) I also got attacked by a seagull, accosted by a crazy old man dressed like a pirate, serenaded by a hobo with a guitar and enjoyed every minute of it, except the seagull part. That was traumatizing.

Hey, who's ready to do it again? Tim is now a certified Vajazzler!!